The Thing With Feathers

Long Time, No Blog

2009-07-29T22:10:00.000-07:00

I wish I'd been more faithful in keeping up this blog if only so I could remember what's been happening the past few months! Some random things I do remember ~

~ Layni is now a blue belt in Tae Kwon Do, so you'd better watch out! She has also been accepted into a class for gifted students next year - hopefully, it will challenge her and get her excited about learning. She attended the Upward Cheerleading camp at church, which of course, she loved.

~ Lysa is doing great and having fun with all her new equipment... riding her trike, enjoying the backyard swing, and being very successful on her new commode. She may never be fully toilet trained, but she loves going on it. She minds the heat as much as I do, so we've been hibernating in the basement or her air-conditioned room the past few days, listening to music, reading books and watching her favourite DVDs; occasionally sneaking out for a quick walk if it cools down enough at night.

~ Mattias got a buzz cut like his dad to combat the heat - he's looking very cool. He had a great time at the Upward basketball camp at church and won a T-ball trophy earlier this summer.

~ I had a great time visiting my family and friends in NB in May, especially meeting my best friend's twin boys, who will be six months old in just a few days - incredible how fast the time goes! I will eventually get the pictures off my camera, I'm sure. I suck at anything remotely technological!

~ My baby brother is turning 30 in a few days. Does this mean we're officially getting old? Haha!

~ I've been reading Iris Johansen's Eve Duncan series and Dorothy Gilman's Mrs. Pollifax series this summer, among other things. Fun, fast reads!

~ This heat is getting to me. I seriously don't even want to step outside when it's this hot. I don't want to do anything. I know I will be complaining when it's rainy and cold, and I'm not proud of it, but I like nice, moderate temperatures, what can I say?

Well, that's all I can think of for now. Must get the kids and myself to bed and Jake is begging for his bedtime snack, and is threatening to scratch me. Boys do get grouchy when they're hungry, whether human or feline. Oh, who are we kidding? So do I!

True Love... I Am Reminded That It Does Still Exist

2009-06-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

Life has been busy and I've not been blogging much, but I had to share this. My best friend's husband wrote this post about a couple I only know through hearing Alisha and Derek speak of them, but I have grown to admire and care for them deeply. My prayers are with them and I pray that whatever the future holds, God will be close to them and bless them for demonstrating such a beautiful, committed love in this crazy world. I think they are amazing, and I hope I can demonstrate that kind of faith and love in my life.

Tired

2009-04-04T22:14:00.000-07:00

I had great fun watching Twilight with friends last night and staying up super-late to catch up with a friend... not so much fun today living with my four hours sleep! It was a beautiful sunny day today, though still cool (will I ever be packing away heavy winter sweaters and my heating blanket?!). Marty headed over to Surrey to cheer Mattias on at his first T-ball game. Jolie had a meeting with another store in New Westminster called Cherish that is going to carry her jewelery. The girls and I went out for a walk, got sundaes at McDonalds (one of DeeDee's favourite treats) and stopped by the fair. I wanted to get cotton candy for Lysa's Easter basket and thought I might take them on the merry-go-round... until I realized it would cost $12 for the three of us - I don't think so!!! Ridiculous. I'm too cheap and too broke right now, so I bought Layni a hotdog and pop to support cancer research and we headed home instead. Lysa kicked around watching her Foursquare DVD while Layni and I had fun raking the yard and making a HUGE pile of branches, pine cones and needles to jump on top of. Marty came home (with Mattias who had lots of fun playing ball with his friends) and looked at me as if I was crazy. "Why don't you just put it into the green waste container instead of making a big pile in the yard?" I explained to Marty the difference between getting a kid to rake for two hours to make a big cool pile to jump on, which is fun, versus raking for two hours to put it in the green waste bin, which is work. Still not sure that he got it, but Layni definitely understood the difference ;) And the yard looks great! Tonight Layni watched the latest Barbie movie (The Diamond Castle) which makes me happy that she's still not too cool for that yet. When I was eight, I was eight. She's eight going on sixteen which scares me sometimes!

Three years ago, I wrote about the wonder of Layni learning to ride a two-wheeler all by herself. Well, yesterday at school, Lysa got her tricycle adjusted and was riding it all by herself! I guess she had so much fun zooming around, trying to run people over and half the school staff came out to cheer her on. Wish I had been there, but she'll probably bring it home for the summer so I'll get to see the action soon enough... way to go, Lysa!

Last Tuesday night, we had our first drop-in crafts night at the church. We had about a dozen women who made cards, brought scrapbooking and knitting. One lovely lady brought Dutch Blitz, which had a few of us going mad... I'm sure we could have happily played all night! But since we were in a church, I managed to control my mouth. As my best friend can attest, when we play, we're yelling at and insulting each other - all in the love of Jesus, of course ;)

Okay, I've got to get to bed so I'm not grumpy tomorrow... Layni's waiting for her sleepover in my room tonight with our Webkinz (I now have two - Lincoln, the Cocoa Dino and Violet, the Spotted Dino). Good night all!

They're Home!

2009-03-21T23:36:00.001-07:00

At six weeks old, my best friend's twin boys finally came home from the hospital! You can see pictures and read an update here on her blog. Six more weeks and I get to meet them when I go home to NB in May! Both NB and BC are "home" now ;)

For the Love of DeeDee

2009-03-20T23:21:00.000-07:00

Today I temporarily overcame my aversion to the crowded, germy public swimming pool so that DeeDee could have one fun outing on Spring Break. This week has been mostly rainy so we haven't been able to get out for walks every day, like we'd like to. DeeDee and I were able to get out once to the library to get some books and then stopped at McDonalds so she could get her chocolate sundae; otherwise, the poor kid has been stuck inside all week, though she has been happy listening to her music, watching her FourSquare DVDs, reading stories and playing on the Priory Woods website. She is such a great kid; maybe it's not fair to compare, but I really wish her happy, positive attitude would rub off on the other two!

Anyway, Marty and I took all three kids to the Hyde Creek pool (it was the first time there for me and DeeDee, as it's not within walking distance, of course!) this afternoon. Much to my and DeeDee's disappointment, the water slide was closed down for some reason, but we had lots of fun splashing and playing in the pool anyway. I don't know if it's just been a long time since I've been to the pool (last summer) or if Hyde Creek is worse than the one here by the library, but the chlorine had my eyes stinging and me coughing my lungs up... Layni had some bad coughing fits too, but it didn't seem to bother DeeDee at all. We stayed for a couple of hours and I'm sure DeeDee would have happily stayed longer... she loves the water! Isn't it funny how when you're a kid, going to the pool is so exciting and fun, but as an adult, it's so gross? Or is that just me?!

Oh, and it was so weird - at one point, we looked out the windows, and it looked like a hurricane outside, sheets of rain and trees doubled over from the wind. By the time we drove home though, it was clear with patches of blue sky and a hint of sun. The weather is so wacky nowadays!

Proud... and amused!

2009-03-17T22:16:00.001-07:00

The girls just got their report cards before spring break. I was very happy and proud to read the teacher's comments on Layni's report:

Elayna's attitude toward her school work has improved significantly this past term. She no longer sighs, rolls her eyes or slouches at her desk when asked to complete something she does not want to do. Instead, she puts a smile on her face and works diligently to complete the task. She uses class time effectively and responds positively toward redirection and encouragement. Keep up the great work Elayna!

I guess it would be asking far too much to have the same attitude adjustment at home ;)

The comments on Lysa's report card are just as positive but had me laughing so hard I cried... of course, that could just be my strange sense of humour!

Elysa has the ability to brighten the most dismal day. When she comes into the classroom giggling or singing her classmates and myself stop, smile and feel content. Her laughter is infectious. It tends to generate a wave of emotion that can only be described as uplifting. For the past several weeks, Elysa has not spent a great deal of time in the classroom due to her new toileting schedule.

I can just see them all for the past several weeks, crying at their desks without Lysa's "wave of emotion" to uplift them!

I'm Alive ;)

2009-02-17T19:48:00.001-08:00

I have been a terrible blogger the past few months, so here is a very quick rundown:

December was crazy busy as usual with five out of six birthdays, Christmas, and all the extra school and church activities. I ended up getting snowed into Vancouver for Christmas so enjoyed a quiet day here, opening presents with Jolie, Marty and the girls and then I think the grown-ups took a nap in the afternoon, after the kids went to their grandparents... you know you're old when ;) Finally made it to my brother's in Calgary on Boxing Day, where he treated me to movies, a junior league hockey game and a NHL hockey game and the Zoo Lights, as well as visiting with his girlfriend and my uncle, aunt and cousins, and doing some Boxing Day shopping. I experienced my first taste of Wii (bowling and golfing) at my uncle's house - it was hilarious and quite addictive!

January was quite a dark and depressing month for me, although I enjoyed the return of one of my greatest TV addictions, Lost; discovery of a new one - Flight of the Conchords; and our church's latest Beth Moore Bible study on the book of Proverbs - studying what the Bible has to say about such practical matters as friendship, money, sexuality, relationships, anxiety etc. I highly recommend it!

February has been a brighter month, emotionally if not necessarily weather-wise ;) Jolie and I have finished an intensive week of doing inventory for her business... counting hundreds of thousands of beads and crystals, among other things. Thank God that's over! And of course, the birth of my best friend's twins on Groundhog's Day was a big surprise to start off the month!

Layni's Webkinz obsession has spread to the rest of the household - once she sucked Mommy in, there was no turning back! So we all got a Webkin for Valentine's Day. Mine is the Cocoa Dinosaur... brown and pink and so adorable; I named him Lincoln after my hometown. I'm currently addicted to the game Smoothie Moves ; Layni got me hooked.

So that's my life the past few months and I'm really going to try to be more diligent at blogging, if only so that I have something to look back on, reminding me what's happened in my life ;)

My Groundhog's Day Surprise!

2009-02-17T19:19:00.000-08:00

On the afternoon of February 2nd, my best friend Alisha gave birth to Henry Harold, 4 lbs 2 oz, and Eli Derek, 3 lbs 11 oz by emergency Caesarean section. These beautiful boys surprised their parents by arriving exactly two months before their due date. The first few days were stressful as Alisha was in intensive care with HELLP syndrome. Thankfully, after much prayer, medication, and a couple blood transfusions, her liver and kidney function returned to normal and she was just released from the hospital yesterday. The boys are doing very well; they have been breathing on their own and their potassium levels are down to normal as well. They have started to catch onto the idea of nursing, and just need to gain some weight in the next few weeks so they can head home to be with the rest of their family. I will be heading back to New Brunswick at the beginning of May to meet them and visit with my friends and family for a couple weeks... I can't wait!

Jake's Birthday

2009-01-12T00:00:00.000-08:00

At the end of November, Jake's 11th birthday kicked off the beginning of our crazy Christmas/birthday season. We went all out with decorations, presents and cake (for us; an appropriate feline treat for Jake!) Having been a live-in nanny for over five years, Jake has become as much a part of my family as Jolie and the girls. I never had a pet growing up and I've never been much of an animal person - except for a select few who have wormed their way into my hearts... but I love my Jakey. Like Lysa, he helps keep us all sane. Truly, he's a person in a cat's body and I can't imagine our lives without him!

New Year...

2009-01-03T15:43:00.000-08:00

I was just looking through my 2008 calendar on my desk before I recycle it... dates marked off for birthdays, Bible study, scrapbooking, church events, coffee dates, school activities... how fast a year goes. In January, my high school friend had a bone marrow transplant and in March, my friend Sandra came for a visit... a few months later, they were both gone, dead from cancer. This past year has held so many tragedies for people I love, so many trials. I tend to get weighed down by all the negative, but there have been wonderful things too... visits with my family in NB and Calgary, a girls' trip to Tigh-Na-Mara in June, all the wonderful pleasures of everyday life. I am tremendously blessed to be rich in family and friends and the ability to savour the simple joys of each day, and I am so grateful for all the good things in my life. I can't believe another year is gone... the older I get, the faster time flies by... it scares me sometimes. I don't want to miss out on life while I'm trying to catch up to it!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T22:04:00.000-08:00

It's 10:00 PM, I've slept a total of about 2 hours in the past 40 hours, and I'm here in Port Coquitlam for Christmas. After pulling an all-nighter, (last minute preparations and keeping an eye on the weather), Marty drove me to the airport at 3:30 AM. My flight to Calgary was supposed to go out at 6:00 AM. I sat on the plane for an hour before they announced the flight was cancelled at 9:30 AM. After spending hours (and I do mean being on hold listening to absolutely terrible elevator music for HOURS and HOURS today) on hold with both WestJet and AirCanada, I have a flight to Calgary at 9:00 AM on Boxing Day.

This will be the first Christmas I spend away from all my immediate family. Not that it will be bad being here and seeing the kids open their presents, but I will really miss being with my brother on Christmas day and having Christmas dinner with him, my aunt and our cousins.

Even though I was dead tired today, hungry, had a headache, was stressed out and disappointed, I was reminded when I got home and checked my email that today was merely an inconvenience, not a problem. A real problem is a four year old girl getting hit by a truck while out sledding on Christmas Eve day - oh dear God, please be with her family and give them a Christmas miracle, I beg of You. And forgive me for being so selfish and worried about mere inconveniences.

There are so many real problems in the world and I am so incredibly blessed... my family is all healthy and safe, I will hopefully get to visit my brother for a few days, everyone here is excited to have me for Christmas (despite the HOURS of driving they did today in terrible weather conditions... God bless them!). I pray for all those so much less fortunate than myself... oh God, have mercy on them, redeem their terrible situations, give them hope and peace and joy and strength and comfort this Christmas season and thank You that You are bigger than the most annoying inconveniences and the most devastating problems. Oh Jesus, I entrust this whole world to Your care this Christmas Eve. God bless us every one.

He Got Me...

2008-12-03T21:57:00.000-08:00

It always amazes me, how when I take even a moment to listen, God gets me. While working on the last week of Bible study homework tonight, I read: "Pray that you might be an example from which the people you care about can see God's unlimited patience." Oh, You got me, God.

Lately, I have been so impatient, annoyed, frustrated, and irritated by Marty, Layni, stupid politicians etc. Of course, the person I feel worst about is Layni. Even Jolie noted the other day, "Watch out, Layni. Janis is a hard-ass!" Is it because I'm struggling with depression and I take it out on others? Is it because my standards are too high? I get so annoyed and frustrated by laziness, for example. When Marty wants Jolie or me to do all the work for him - why can't you do it yourself? It's YOUR responsibility! We'd be happy to help, the operative word being HELP. Or Layni does the bare minimum and only with constant nagging from us... when it comes to school, Tae Kwon Do, chores - everything! Don't you care about anything? Don't you want to do well? Do you always have to talk back, whine, complain, argue about every little thing? I just want her to be a good person and do well in life. Or am I being too hard on an almost-eight year old? Too demanding? Whatever my problem is, I need to learn to relax and to be more patient and loving and gracious. Maybe I need more medication ;) I definitely need to lighten up and laugh more. I need to encourage instead of nag, to be an example of unlimited patience... and I know that's only possible by the Holy Spirit in me... and me allowing Jesus to shine through me. I want everyone, but especially the people I love and especially the little ones entrusted to my care, to see and experience the love of God in their lives through me.

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging symbol. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends... And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

- 1 Corinthians 13

Oh Lord, help me to love like You, especially the people I love the most! Help me to be patient when people annoy me; help me to be kind especially when I'm irritated; help me to not be arrogant, thinking I always know best; help me not to be rude even when Layni is talking back and giving attitude; help me not to always insist on my own way, even when I'm convinced my way is best; help me not to be so irritable!; help me not to be resentful; help me to believe the best about people - to see the best in them; help me to hope for the best instead of worrying and despairing about the worst case scenario; help me to endure when I'm weary and at the end of my resources. Oh Lord, give me wisdom to know when I need to push and when I need to let go, when I need to be lenient and when I need to enforce the rules, when I need to laugh at the situation or when I need to take a break and calm myself down. Give me wisdom in my words and actions, fill my find with loving thoughts... help me to love like You, because Your way is always best. Oh Lord, I want to be a blessing, an encouragement, not a discouragement. Teach me how to communicate effectively with Marty and Layni especially. Oh Lord, You know my heart, the good and the bad... I pray Psalm 51 - Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to Your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me... You desire truth in the inward being; therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart... Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me... sustain in me a willing spirit... The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise."

Way to Go, Blue Stripe!

2008-11-22T21:08:00.000-08:00

CONGRATULATIONS LAYNI, ON ADVANCING TO YOUR BLUE STRIPE BELT!!! Layni was in the Transcending Martial Arts Tae Kwon Do Exhibition tonight and did an excellent job - even if she didn't break her board... even some black belts didn't break their boards, so don't sweat it, Layni - you did an awesome job and I am so proud of you!

BIG NEWS!!!!

2008-11-11T00:52:00.000-08:00

MY BEST FRIEND IS HAVING TWINS!!!
From a family of three to a family of five - wow!

Madonna , Halloween and a 22nd Birthday

2008-11-02T22:05:00.000-08:00

It was a busy week with three big events - the Madonna concert on Thursday night, Halloween festivities both Thursday and Friday at the girls' school, and a birthday to celebrate on Sunday.

Jolie, Marty, Layni and I arrived at GM Place at 8:00 PM, and waited for one and a half hours for Madonna to finally take the stage. I alternately stewed at having to wait (I hate waiting and people who aren't punctual!) and prayed for Madonna and her family as they're going through this difficult time in their lives. As Marty pointed out, it would have been a lot cheaper and we would have actually seen a lot more if we just bought the concert DVD that will inevitably come out, but nonetheless, it was a memorable experience - thanks, Jolie and Marty! Layni did well (though she was disappointed we were in level three instead of having front row seats!) until finally falling asleep about one and a half hours into the show. I must say, she performed non-stop for almost two hours - that woman has stamina I can only dream about! My favourite parts were her renditions of my favourite song off her new album, She's Not Me, and You Must Love Me from the Evita soundtrack - and when she sang Like A Virgin with the audience... one of the few times she seemed more relaxed and having fun, rather than just relentlessly performing.

Lysa woke up with pink eye on Thursday morning, and so missed the Halloween festivities at school and trick or treating on Friday night. However, we had a great time nonetheless. She dressed up as a 50's rock chick, we handed out candy to the neighbourhood kids, ate chocolate, watched DVDs, cuddled and laughed, while Layni a.k.a. Disco Dracula and Mattias a.k.a. Iron Man, scared up some candy with their friends up at Hampton Park.

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday as a Christian. Yes, 22 years ago on a Sunday afternoon in my bedroom in Lincoln, New Brunswick, I decided I believed God was real and that Jesus had died for my sins and so accepted His love and committed my life to Him. Oh, He knows that I have often not been faithful to Him in my laziness and doubts and apathy, but He has been unrelentingly faithful to me, and though I often think I have so little faith, I have always had that mustard seed to keep me hanging onto Him. I don't think I would have survived the last 22 years without Him and I know my life would not be as blessed as it is if He wasn't the centre of it. So thank You, Jesus, for saving me from myself and for all the love You have poured into my life... and for Your neverending faithfulness. I pray that I will grow closer to You every day of my life and that I will shine Your love for all to see. I pray that everyone else (especially my loved ones) will know Your amazing love and grace and faithfulness and joy and peace and goodness in their lives... all that You are and all that You want to be for us!

Good Day

2008-10-26T22:29:00.000-07:00

You would think I would learn by now that just expressing my feelings helps tremendously... I've got to do it more often, instead of staying inside my head. So after pouring out my heart late last night, I had a good day today. Layni and I went to church, and the service was geared towards the kids who stayed throughout the whole service instead of going up to Kidzone... and for the big kids among us, who love the songs with actions and the funny skits and the pastor dressing up and telling us stories as King David. Afterwards, we went out to lunch with friends and the kids had such a great time together, the goofballs! They made me laugh. I came home and had a quiet, relaxing afternoon to myself. I had a nap, read Gone with the Wind (Jolie just finished it and told me I have to read it quickly so we can watch the movie together - the history involved is fascinating!), watched Sex and the City, and worked on my new dishcloth addiction. My mom is an amazing knitter, but I've only ever mastered dishcloths (and a baby blanket for my best friend's daughter, which took two and a half years and a lot of sweat and tears... and it was nothing fancy!). While I was home this fall, my mom taught me to purl (I told you, I am an amateur!) so it's opened a whole new world of dishcloth patterns. Guess what everyone's getting for Christmas! Put your order in soon, haha. Tonight, we all watched The Amazing Race together and then Jolie and I had our Desperate Housewives fix. It was a good day filled with simple pleasures. I am blessed with friends and family and a faithful God, and I am grateful.

Feelings... What Is Normal?

2008-10-25T23:42:00.000-07:00

I was just rereading on the internet about dysthymia. I've struggled with depression since I was about ten years old, with growing intensity through the years, culminating in almost constant suicidal thoughts in college. For me, it was just life... I didn't know anything different. I was filled with self-hatred... "stupid ugly bitch" was a refrain constantly running through my mind, almost 24-7. I remember banging my head on the foot of my bed when I was a kid... to punish myself? to replace the emotional pain with physical pain? When I got older, I would scratch myself in frustration and self-hatred. I am so grateful that God made me a complete wimp, or I might have cut myself or inflicted other physical injuries (or gotten into alcohol and drugs). I might have thought of a pain-free way to kill myself and had the courage to go through with it... oh, I thank God for my wimpiness and my sense of humour, which were the two things (beside His grace of course) that enabled me to survive all those horrible years. After years of ignorance, then self-denial, then fighting the system to get the help I needed, I was diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder and chronic dysthymic disorder. Though I mostly struggled with severe and often suicidal depression, I would occasionally have my "high" times... not as extreme as many cases; in fact, at the time, it felt great. I would have lots of energy, I would feel uninhibited socially - I would also have poorer judgement (which I never realized until afterwards) and would inevitably crash. It's been almost a decade since I was diagnosed (correctly) and started on an anti-depressant that was effective for me. Since then, I've never experienced the highs or suicidal lows of bipolar disorder, but I still struggle with the everyday "low-level" depression.

Since I got back from New Brunswick, I've been struggling with physical tiredness, lack of motivation and focus, feeling overwhelmed and wanting to withdraw. I often think I'd just like to crawl into bed and hibernate for several months. I feel guilty like I'm just being lazy, whiney... that if I was a better person and (oh, the joys of being a Christian and the guilt that comes along with it! ) if I just prayed more or had more faith, I wouldn't struggle like this. I feel overwhelmed by the things I should do and punish myself by not doing any of the things I want to do, and end up doing nothing and feeling even worse. One of the things I struggle with most is my natural tendency to be a loner and my struggle with social anxiety, with the love Jesus has put into my heart for people and wanting to bless them with His love through me. I often think if I wasn't a Christian, I would be a total hermit. Many people (most?) either frustrate me or frighten me (did I mention the social anxiety disorder?)

I'm sure there's a lot of things contributing to these feelings. Leaving my family in New Brunswick and not feeling that I had enough time to spend with them; the darker, colder days of fall; changing relationships at church, which has always provided my foundation of friendships. I belonged to a small group for several years which ended about a year and a half ago. There were about half a dozen of us who attended regularly and they felt like my family. I cried and laughed and learned and prayed and shared with them. I still have Thursday morning Bible study, but it's not the same. It's a bigger group and not as intimate. Our church is growing too, more people coming on Sunday mornings and it just feels bigger and more impersonal to me. I feel disconnected from the people there, and worse, feel like I don't even want to make the effort to be connected anymore.... and feeling guilty for feeling that way.

I'm just feeling... not terrible, but not great... feeling guilty because I know so many other people have far worse trials and challenges than me, so how can I complain or feel bad? Just feeling like crawling into my nice cozy sheets and not coming out for awhile.

Where Did the Last Three Weeks Go?

2008-10-12T19:23:00.000-07:00

I can't believe in two days I will be flying back to BC. Part of me is excited to see Jolie and the kids and my friends again; part of me is already missing my family and wishing I could see them more often. I have done too much Christmas shopping... I'm going to have to ship myself a parcel because I can't fit it all into my suitcases... oops!

I spent a few days with my best friend and her family. We celebrated an early "Christmas" together - exchanged presents and had a Superstore cake (the best!) and listened to Christmas music. Alisha and Derek got me addicted to Slings and Arrows, a Canadian TV show about a Shakespearean theatre company that I gave her for her birthday, so we spent every night after Ella went to bed watching a couple episodes. Derek, God bless him, made me buckwheat pancakes twice while I was there - my favourite, but which I'm usually too lazy to make myself ;) I sat in on Ella's Montessori homeschool class, which was lots of fun. And we would read bedtime stories and cuddle together every night. We also celebrated Ella's 4th birthday with lots of presents, cake and friends, and enjoyed walks in the woods behind their house. It was so great to be together again!

I also visited with my cousins, who love animals of every sort, and my aunt, who loves books and movies even more than me! Went to dinner and saw Nights in Rodanthe (a tearjerker) with an old friend.

My parents, aunt and I visited Minister's Island - the beautiful (although desperately in need of funding for repairs and upkeep) summer estate of an early 1900's railroad tycoon - I love history! Unfortunately, the batteries in my camera and my dad's both died out halfway through the tour :( We had to drive over a sandbar at low tide to get to the island... good thing, as my mom is not fond of boats :)

Yesterday we drove up to the Miramichi (where my dad has spent lots of time fishing) and stayed in a lovely log cabin. After hitting the local dollar store (you know what mom's and my priority is!), we walked beside the bay just across the road, swung on the hanging porch swing, had barbecued steak, and played 45's. A relaxing, fun evening. Today, we stopped at the Parksville Suspension Bridge, which Dad and I enjoyed walking to take in the view of the Miramichi River surrounded by the gorgeous fall foliage. And I was so proud of my mom, who fears both water and heights... she got 1/6 of the way across before having to turn back... good for her! After we got home, Dad and I did our traditional round of mini-golf. He beat me the first time, but I managed to come back in the second round!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving dinner with my parents, brother and sister-in-law and aunt and uncle, before my mom goes to work in the evening. My best friend and I are getting together tomorrow night for our last hurrah, and then I have Tuesday to get myself ready to fly home first thing Wednesday morning. It's been wonderful - but I can't believe it's all over! Thank goodness I have so many wonderful people to fly back to, or I would be too sad missing my family!

Running Around

2008-10-02T19:18:00.000-07:00

I'm off for a week of running around to visit family and friends. I am really grateful for everyone who is going out of their way to chauffeur me around from one place to the next - especially my best friend and my parents. In Coquitlam, I can pretty much walk everywhere I need to or catch a bus for the occasional longer trip, but here, you really need to know how to drive... or have fabulous friends and family! I am excited to see my cousins, who I missed last year because of a family health crisis; to explore Minister's Island with my parents on Sunday; to visit my best friend and celebrate her daughter's 4th birthday next week; to hang out with my aunt, who loves books and movies as much as I do; and to see my wonderful friends who are driving down from Peticodiac. I am so blessed with so many loved ones, and I am so grateful for this time I get to spend with them... but I will be glad to get back and see my "family" and friends in Coquitlam too!

I Tried to be a Good Citizen...

2008-09-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, I will admit right off I am not the most politically savvy person in the world, to say the least. However, I do make the effort to vote as I know we are a privileged country to have that freedom, which I am very thankful for. So, knowing I would still be on vacation on October 14th when the election is held, I made the effort to go to our local electoral office to vote by special ballot the day before I flew out. I even had to go home and get a bank statement with my current address and return, so I could vote. I was ushered behind the little cardboard cubicle on the desk and took out my special ballot and was confused. It said simply, "Write the initials or name of the person you are voting for and put this ballot in the envelope." Usually, they have the names of the candidates and you simply check the box beside the person you are voting for. So in my confusion and ignorance, I wrote the name of the leader of the party I was voting for instead of the municipal candidate (whose name, quite frankly, I did not know.) After telling various people about this strange ballot and being told I probably voted wrong but they didn't know why it was set up like that, I called my local electoral office in BC. I discovered that my vote is "spoiled" as she said, and won't count, due in part to my ignorance and their failure to follow procedure. The official ballots with names were just printed this past Saturday because up until that date people can still put their names in the running. What was supposed to happen before I voted was that I should have been shown a piece of paper with all the candidates up to that point, which I never was shown. She told me, "Good for you for trying though!" Small consolation. Well, now I know for next time, though I wonder how many other ignorant people miscast their vote as well. I'm not sure if I want to think I was the only one that ignorant with a wasted vote or not!

Wonderful Weekend

2008-09-28T19:17:00.000-07:00

On Friday, I spent the day with my best friend, Alisha, her mom, Sharon and her daughter, Ella. We started our day together by going to The Owl's Nest, which I think is the most amazing second hand bookstore I've ever been in. It is a huge maze of rooms filled floor to ceiling with books on every subject... I could easily spend days in there browsing. After lunch at Pizza Delight (where Ella got the cutest "cat" pizza with a face made out of olives with licorice whiskers), we went to The Lighthouse (another favourite bookstore with a huge clearance section) and Value Village. After a quick supper, we hit Chapters (do we see a theme developing here? Sharon and Alisha love books as much as I do!) and Walmart. I spent a lot of money but got lots of birthday and Christmas presents to leave at home so I am saving money on postage! It was a wonderful day with my dear friends, doing our favourite things - talking, laughing, eating and looking at books!

Saturday, my parents and I were up at 4:30 so we could be at the farmer's market in Fredericton by 6:00 AM. Lots of fresh produce, baked goods and handmade items including jewelery, beautiful wood work, and art. Mom and I supplemented our meager night's sleep with a nap in the afternoon. It is so nice not to have a schedule for awhile, to sleep when you want to (for as long as you want to!) and not always be worrying about rushing to get something done or get somewhere on time. My older brother, Dan, picked me up in the afternoon and we loaded up on movies. We watched Pirates of the Caribbean 3 (the first one is the only one worth watching over and over) and an action movie called Crank (I liked the Transporter movies starring the same guy much better) as well as Resurrecting the Champ (I was pleasantly surprised and recommend it!) and Sex and the City (which we watched with Dan's wife, Melissa) and which I loved as much this third time around. Sunday afternoon, Dan and I went to the Fredericton flea market and bowling... fun and good for many laughs on Dan's part as he watched my skill (or rather, lack thereof) in action ;)

Despite the rainy weather the past couple days (vestiges of Hurricane/Tropical Storm Kyle), I've enjoyed seeing the vibrant colours of autumn... this place is so beautiful... my BC friends, I wish you could experience it!

Here I Am!

2008-09-24T18:40:00.001-07:00

Had a good flight yesterday - the only drawback was that the movie system was experiencing "technical difficulties" so I didn't get to see the end of Prince Caspian, whose accent I found distracting in its inconsistency; otherwise, I was enjoying the movie, despite how it differed from the book, which Layni and I finished on Sunday. I got in at 12:30 AM, visited with my parents for a couple hours (well, my dad went to bed after half an hour) and slept in this morning. This afternoon, mom and I went to one of my favourite stores, Giant Tiger, where I got a whole wardrobe for $40, including a $2.00 pair of jeans, several tops for $1.00 and $2.00, and three pair of shoes that came to $11.00 between them. I love the shopping in New Brunswick! And we didn't even get 1/4 of the way through the store! Tonight, my dad barbecued steak and baby potatoes from his garden and afterward, my brother and his wife came for a visit. It was a great day full of simple pleasures with my family.

I'm a little traumatized though, because my parents have decided to replace the siding on the house. It will no longer be the little (pale) yellow house across from the airport... it will be a non-distinctive beige/brown. I've lived in this house all my life (well, visited for the past ten years)... what will I do when they get even more drastic and sell it?! I love the big maple tree in the front yard and the "little" maple tree (which was little when I was little and is now huge) on the right side of the driveway. I love the new squeaky swing my father made this year to replace the old, falling-apart squeaky swing. I love my parents' flower and vegetable gardens and our deck that my dad built, that is lovely for eating out on nice days. I have been really blessed to have had the stability and security of a house that has also been a home all the years of my life... not just because of the house, but the wonderful people in it. I love my parents and my brothers, and I am so blessed that God gave these particular people to be my family - they're not perfect but we're wonderfully imperfect together!

P.S. I do miss our crazy household... someday when we're rich (haha!), I want to bring Jolie and her mom and the girls out to see my beautiful province and all the special places from my growing-up years - and all the special people, of course!

Less Than 24 Hours!

2008-09-22T23:06:00.000-07:00

It's 11:06 PM and I'm pretty much packed up... hopefully our scales weigh correctly so I don't have to go through my suitcases at the airport giving stuff away (cause I'm not paying that $75 charge for overweight bags!) Watched the season premiere of Dancing with the Stars with the family tonight, cuddled Lysa while she kicked, and am letting Layni have a sleepover in my bed one last time before I leave. I can't believe this time tomorrow night I will be (hopefully!) sound asleep in my childhood room in New Brunswick. I can't believe it's actually here - that I'll very soon be seeing my family and friends again!

You Should See My Bed...

2008-09-21T22:08:00.001-07:00

One more day (two sleeps) and then I'll be in the air, flying to New Brunswick. My bed is loaded with my suitcase, duffel bag and stuff to take home. They're charging $75 now for each overweight bag, so I'm trying to distribute everything evenly and praying that I'll be under 50 pounds each. I have so much stuff to take back for people, that I'm not sure I'll have room enough for my actual clothes... oh well, Frenchie's here I come! That's one of the best thrift stores on the East Coast. I can't believe it's almost here! Funny, I'm the only one bursting with excitement in this household; otherwise, there's a distinct feeling of dread and impending doom. It's nice to know I'm appreciated - and I'm sure they will survive without me ;) I'm also quite sure they will be very happy to have me back!

Mourning...

2008-09-16T18:41:00.000-07:00

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
- Romans 12:15

Tonight, I'm mourning with my friend Shelley and her family as they grieve the loss of her stepmom. Please pray for them - that they will find comfort and strength in happy memories and the love of everyone around them.

Please Pray

2008-09-12T08:59:00.000-07:00

Please pray for my friend Shelley and her family. Her stepmom has been missing since Wednesday - please pray she will be found safe and for strength for her family as they await news.

Keep your eyes out for a 2002 dark blue PT Cruiser with British Columbia licence plate 711 EFB. There is an inverted yellow looped ribbon in the rear window (veterans ribbon). If you see it, call 911 please!

Two Weeks

2008-09-08T21:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm still counting down... and freaking out a little. I have a list of things to do before I leave and time just keeps whizzing by. And I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to see everybody in three weeks... especially when most people are working and/or going to school so I have three weekends to fit everyone in. Different people have suggested just having a big barbecue and inviting everyone, but that way I don't really get to visit with anyone. It's hard being so far away from family and friends... but I have "family" (Jolie and the girls) and friends here too... I just wish I was closer or it was cheaper and/or I had more time to fly back and forth. Three weeks will go by so fast (well, for me there, not so much for Jolie here, haha!) Oh well, what gets done, gets done and what doesn't, doesn't.

The girls are finally getting into their classroom tomorrow... but Jolie needs to switch them. They've been put into a classroom with NONE of their friends or support system (which is weird, because especially for Lysa they usually try to make that effort) and they really need it - Layni even more so than Lysa, I think. So hopefully, that will get worked out quickly and easily for everyone's sakes. Layni was actually home with a cold today... what a way to start the school year! Other than that, we're all well and as busy as ever... just trying to keep our sanity in the midst of our usual craziness!

Back to School

2008-09-03T21:35:00.000-07:00

Wow. The summer is gone and the kids are back in school. Mattias started kindergarten and the girls are in Grade 3 - unbelievable. It seems time goes faster with every passing year... pretty soon, I won't be able to keep up! Layni got a new Hannah Montana backpack, so life is good for her :) (Good-bye Dora, Good-bye Barbie, Good-bye Disney Princesses... we will miss you!) Lysa has had a very busy couple days. Not only back to school, but she got her Botox injections in her calves so she can get her new leg splints made in a couple weeks and she got her fancy new bath seat, which goes up and down to make getting her in and out easier... I think she just thinks it's a cool carnival ride. She would happily wear the battery out, zooming up and down!

The grown-ups watched "Be Kind, Rewind" last night. I was expecting a glossy, slapstick, stupid comedy, but it was more of a warm-hearted, funny indie type film. Jack Black always makes me laugh.

I'm looking forward to Bible study and scrapbooking starting up again... and of course, vacation in three weeks to see all my family and friends in New Brunswick!

Happy Surprise

2008-08-18T23:02:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago, I got a call from my college friend, Yuriko, who lives in Tokyo. She is visiting Canada for a couple weeks (she lived in Toronto for ten years before moving back to Japan when she married last summer) and wondered if we could get together. So this afternoon, we met at Metrotown, had lunch and visited the dollar store together (some joys are international!). It was so good to see my old friend again - she is such a sweet, loving soul and it was an unexpected blessing in my summer. I am so thankful for the life-long friends I made at Houghton College - they are worth every penny I'm repaying in student loans... yes, indeed, that makes them worth a LOT, haha!

Jolie and I are finding ourselves tremendously distracted by the Olympics, especially the gymnastics and the triathalon... Simon Whitfield pulled off an amazing comeback to win silver... us girls were screaming and cheering him on the last couple minutes of the race. I was beginning to worry that we weren't going to win any medals, but I think that as Canadians we truly celebrate each one we win.

Summer is Speeding Away...

2008-08-14T23:08:00.001-07:00

Just over two weeks until school starts up again... I can't believe how fast the summer is going. But I'll be honest, it will be nice to have a break from the kids, and by kids, I mean Layni. I tell you, she's a million times more high-maintenance than Lysa! But we have had some good times this summer...

Today, I took the girls swimming. I was so mad at myself because we got over to the pool, paid, and were in the changing room when I realized I'd forgotten Lysa's bathing suit at home... AGGHHH!!! So we had to walk all the way home and back again in the heat, causing a 45 minute detour. Once we finally got into the pool though, we enjoyed the wave pool and waterslide tremendously for a couple hours.

Layni and I went to my first football game last Friday (she had been once before with Jolie, Marty and Mattias). I know absolutely nothing about football and understand it no better now, but still enjoyed the live experience. We were seven rows up from the field, so it seemed so small to me in real life as compared to seeing it on television... and slow! It took almost four hours for an actual hour of play! The BC Lions beat Edmonton but my favourite part was watching the crazy fans, listening to the non-stop commentary of the guy behind us (which Layni found annoying, but I found amusing), enjoying the ridiculous antics of various mascots playing soccer during half-time, and munching on popcorn. But even I found myself at times yelling, "Come on, come on, COME ON!" when they were making a pivotal play. Layni's favourite part was doing the wave... it's the little things that we enjoy the most!

Jolie's parents came to visit for the weekend. We went for a long walk to Colony Farm Park on Saturday, admiring the community gardens there (I smelled the sweetest rose there - it reminded me of the most delicious pink lemonade; roses aren't my favourite flowers, but that rose was queen of all roses!) and walking the trails. We came home tired and hungry. While we were busy fixing supper, the kids were playing in the living room. Layni comes into the kitchen, crying and freaking out, "I'M SO SORRY! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!!" She and Mattias had shattered one of our glass patio doors. Awesome. In all fairness, there must have been a crack or some weakness in the glass already, because all they did was bump it with the corner of Mattias' little plastic toybox... believe me, they've done far worse other times! However, there goes $500 out the window... incredibly frustrating.

Another day, we went for a walk in Mundy Park. Jolie was busy pointing out different plants and trees to Layni and Mattias while I kept Lysa happy by actually walking, instead of stopping every few steps to explore. But my one weakness is hollow tree stumps - I always have to stop and investigate those. So Layni and I poked our heads into one and laughed ourselves silly. There in this hollow tree stump in the middle of Mundy Park, were Jonas Brothers Teen Beat posters hung up inside! We debated whether it was the squirrels or raccoons who were fans. It was just so bizarre! Later, Jolie and I wondered about the people who make the effort to scoop up their dogs' poop and put it in the green plastic bag... and then throw it into the woods! We saw dozens of these poop bags littering this beautiful park - people are so stupid.

Yesterday, Lysa and I had a playdate with a couple of delightful little friends. Usually, Layni is the one who gets to go on all the playdates, but she had Tae Kwon Do yesterday, so Lysa was the lucky one this time. I must admit, I was apprehensive about it. I know how fun and funny and wonderful Lysa is, but in new places with new people, she tends to initially freak out, which freaks a lot of people out and they don't take the time to get to know her in all her goofy glory. But these kids were wonderful... completely accepting her as she was and looking out for her and including her in their games and jokes. Really sweet, fantastic kids. We all had a great time!

I just finished my favourite Lucy Maud Montgomery novel today, The Blue Castle - for the millionth time. My ideal romance... even if the hero's name is Barney :)

Well, those are some of our recent adventures. We're all healthy at the moment, enjoying the sunshine and lazy days, though occasionally getting on each other's nerves! But I am looking forward to being in my childhood bedroom in New Brunswick in six weeks' time, catching up with my mom, visiting friends and family, dollar stores and Frenchy's! I miss my East Coast folks and can't wait to catch up for another year.

Wanted: Primitive Technology

2008-08-06T22:52:00.001-07:00

Does anybody have any old cassette tapes lying around the house, especially children's ones? (Sesame Street and Muppets are my personal faves!) Lysa brought home a Powerlink device from school which enables us to plug in the blender, CD player etc. and she can turn them on and off by smacking a big red button. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, it doesn't work with CDs, only tapes... which gave me the opportunity to explain to Mattias what this strange looking thing called a cassette tape is - it makes music! Wow! The look of wonder and disbelief on his face made me feel very, very old :) So if you have any old tapes lying around (preferably not heavy metal), we would love to listen to something other than the five she's been playing over and over and over and over again. (Though Big Bird's Greatest Hits IS awesome! I'm also really enjoying Sharon, Lois and Bram's Dance Tunes.)

Feeling Better

2008-07-30T22:22:00.001-07:00

Well, I think I'm pretty much over my cold and Lysa seems to be feeling much better too, so we'll probably get back to the pool next week. In the meantime, we've been going for walks on the trails by the river, going to the library, drawing pictures, colouring, and practicing in her stander/walker, which we brought home from school for the summer. She's been in it a few times and it's great practice for her to hold her head up, but yesterday I had an epiphany and thought, "Duh! It would probably be easier for her to actually move if she was on a hardwood floor!" We've been doing it on carpeted areas where there's more room, but yesterday we tried it out on the kitchen floor (besides the bathrooms, the only non-carpeted area in the house). At first, she was just moving her left leg, which is her stronger side, and was turning herself in circles (which was fun nonetheless!) but then she got both legs going and was actually pushing herself backwards in the walker! I was cheering, she was laughing and squealing with excitement... but next time, I must be ready with the camera handy! I'm so proud of her!

Oh, and yesterday I saw "Get Smart" with a friend... I love Steve Carrell - he never fails to make me laugh!

Stressed Out, Sick, Now Recovering...

2008-07-25T23:46:00.001-07:00

A couple of weeks ago was our church's Daily Vacation Bible School. Last year, I did two days of the kindergarten story time before heading home to NB for my vacation and I swore NEVER AGAIN. This year's coordinator called me up, and I told her I would be happy to volunteer, I just didn't want to be a leader or teacher. A couple minutes later, I hung up the phone, wondering what had just happened and how I had ended up saying yes to doing the kindergarten story-time again... I told Jolie next year, I'm just going to have to not answer the phone!

Thankfully, I was sharing story-telling duties with another lady in our church who also wondered how she had ended up saying yes! It was very much out of both of our comfort zones, which was probably really good for us, but I found it incredibly stressful. (Like couldn't sleep, digestive system screwed up, freaking out stressful.) I found it much more stressful than speaking in front of a group of adults (which is also stressful, don't get me wrong!) - maybe because I feel such a responsibility that the kids both have lots of fun and good memories as well as learning about God and His love for them - and I felt completely inadequate to the task! However, I brought in my buddy "Lester" - an orange, very loud squawky bird of DeeDee's, to help me out, and I think the kids really enjoyed him. I told them about how I had learned about Jesus during Sunday School and Vacation Bible School and that He is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I hope they can say the same thing someday. They were a great group of kids, quite attentive for a group of twenty-five five-year-olds! And quite funny too. When I asked them what they would buy if they had a million dollars, my favourite answers were, "A van for my mom big enough to hold all the kids here... with a hot tub in the back!" and "Two diamonds THIS big..." (about two feet high). And so I survived, and the kids did too! (And can I just say how wonderful - how encouraging and supportive my co-teacher was? God bless her!)

Fifty-five dollars later, I finally got a swimsuit and took Lysa and Layni to the pool for the first time this summer. Lysa loves the wave pool - totally doesn't mind getting smacked in the face with water, while I'm there freaking out... don't splash in my eyes, not the eyes! Of course, later that week, both Lysa and I came down with a nasty cold. I slept for twelve hours straight one night; I was pretty much a zombie for a couple days. Still a bit of a cough and sniffles, but feeling much better!

Marty and Jolie took Layni and Mattias to Merritt to visit her family for a few days, while Lysa and I stayed home and recovered - and enjoyed the peace and quiet. Well, I did, anyway. I think Lysa enjoys the chaos; it's like comforting background noise to her now! I indulged an urge to bake, making blueberry muffins (didn't turn out as good as my mom's) and chocolate cupcakes with vanilla frosting... from scratch, not a mix, people, from scratch. And now that everybody's back, Jolie and Marty have begged me to never bake again as they inhale the goodies and curse their expanding waist lines, haha!

I'm on my last book in the Anne of Green Gables series, Rilla of Ingleside. Perhaps, I'll re-read my favourite L.M. Montgomery novel, The Blue Castle, next... it is in my opinion, the ultimate romantic fantasy - even if his name is Barney!

The last couple of weeks, I've felt stressed out, sick, sad, and homesick (as it was this time last year I was visiting my family in NB, and I still have two more months to wait this year)... and guilty for struggling with depression when people have so much more to deal with in life than I do. But I'm trying to enjoy the sunshine and good books and loving friends and be grateful for all my blessings, and leave the rest to Jesus.

32...

2008-07-22T23:50:00.000-07:00

... is too young to die. Too young to have fought cancer twice and finally lost. Too young to leave behind a husband of ten years and step-son. Sometimes life seems too hard and too wrong. Tiffany, I'm praying for your boys, that they'll find the strength to keep on breathing and living without you... thank you for all the great high school memories. Thank you for blessing my life with your light. I'm praying you're snug in the arms of Jesus tonight, old friend.

Quick Update

2008-07-10T00:46:00.000-07:00

Jolie's mom and stepdad came last week for the football game on Friday night and stayed until this morning. We had lots of fun visiting, working in the garden, playing heated games of Mexican Train (dominoes) and eating way too much good food (including a huge turkey dinner on Sunday).

Lysa and I have been taking our walks around Lafarge Lake in the evenings, when it's cooler. Tonight, we went with a new friend I met through Wednesday night Bible study. We had a good talk and got our exercise!

Still haven't got to Wal-mart to hunt for a bathing suit - MUST do that this weekend, before Lysa goes mad with boredom this summer. Layni volunteered to fix my old one with "sterling silver" bobby pins. She is too funny.

I've been re-reading the Anne of Green Gables series... I'm on #6 of eight. It's fun going back in time... to the early 1900's, but also to my childhood days when I first read them. It's funny how I perceive different things in the books now as opposed to then... relating to the adults in the books, rather than the children, for example.

Tonight, I watched No Country for Old Men with Marty. Like There Will Be Blood, it was beautifully acted and shot, but not quite satisfying for me in the end. After those two movies, I need to see a comedy - immediately!

Okay, going to bed now. It's ridiculous that I'm still up!

Sucker

2008-07-04T23:37:00.001-07:00

Usually, I have no problems killing bugs in the house (or bugs out of the house that are on me)... but the other day, I was just about to kill a spider on the kitchen floor when I noticed it only had five legs. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill a disabled spider! I mean whatever it had been through to lose three legs, it survived and I just couldn't be the one to end his perilous journey through life. So I put him on a piece of paper and deposited him outside to whatever fate may befall him... but at least I gave him a chance.

I'm such a sucker for a sob story, even a spider's.

P.S. When Layni and I told Jolie, she said he was probably some gangsta spider who was amputated in the course of his criminal activities and I should have put him out of his misery. For once in my life, I think someone trumped me on the imagination scale.

Sad...

2008-07-04T10:51:00.001-07:00

It breaks my heart when my friends hurt each other, either inadvertently or in striking out from their own hurt... when misunderstandings tear them apart. I wish, I pray for peace and reconciliation. I know there is so much love there - that's why the pain is so deep on all sides. Oh Jesus, please work Your wonders and bring healing and hope again. You know all their hearts, their hurts, their love, their betrayals, their wounds that only You can heal. Oh, Jesus, I lift all these dear ones up to You and ask You to infuse all their lives with Your Holy Spirit of love and wisdom and forgiveness and healing in all their hearts. I do believe that one day, Lord, we will all bow together at Your feet, crying in gratefulness for Your mercy and grace to each one of us... I look forward to that day, Lord... please hasten it. Be glorified, Jesus, and heal all these broken hearts. I love You, Lord, and I am so grateful that with You all things are possible - You see all of us, the good, the bad and the ugly and love us anyway, You accept us as we are, but love us so much that You won't accept us staying that way... knowing You, lovingYou, spending time in Your presence changes us, because of who You are - thank You, Jesus, for Your faithfulness, for Your neverending love... satisfy all our needs and wants, for only You can. Help us to forgive by Your grace, help us to live grateful lives of love because of all You've done for us. Oh Jesus, thank You for the hope I have in You... for the hope we all have in You.

It's So Hard to Be...

2008-07-02T22:31:00.000-07:00

Layni: "I wish I was handicapped like Lysa, cause she NEVER gets in trouble!!!"

Canada Day Excitement... EARLY in the Morning!

2008-07-01T22:15:00.000-07:00

First of all, I have to say I am really craving cake tonight. I'm going to have to settle for a chocolate bar instead.

Last night, Layni and I went to see Kung Fu Panda and we both loved it! I love Jack Black... he's just so cute in his enthusiasm (even as an animated panda bear) and I love that he's not your typical leading man and that he's not your typical comedian in that he's pretty clean. Shallow Hal is one of my favourite movies; The Holiday; School of Rock... all excellent.

After getting the kids into bed, the grown-ups watched There Will Be Blood, which Marty has been wanting to see for months. It's a very well-acted and well-shot movie, but I didn't enjoy it. Bizarre is the primary word that comes to mind. Maybe it's because I didn't relate to or care about the people or things in the movie. I'd recommend not wasting your 2 1/2 hours, but Marty and Jolie both seemed to like it. We ended up getting into bed at 2:30 AM (way too late for me!).

Three hours later, we were all awake. Our next-door neighbour woke us up to alert us that our house was about to flood. They already had a foot of water in their basement and their backyard was a lake. The water was flowing past our front door and was creeping up to the house in the backyard. Evidently, thieves had come in the middle of the night and tried to steal (or maybe succeeded, I'm not sure) copper piping from the townhouses being built next to our neighbour's house, and had broken the water main. Finally, after many frantic phone calls on the neighbour's part to the police, fire department, anyone they could think of, someone from the city came and turned off the water... just in time to save our house, THANK GOD!

Afterwards, I was laying in bed, enjoying the early morning sunshine, thanking God that we did not have to deal with the repercussions of a flood, and feeling a little guilty (I must have some Catholic blood in me from somewhere) that we were so blessed but our neighbours weren't. As I prayed for them, I realized that as the Bible says, the rain falls on the just and the unjust, and so do blessings. This was our day for a blessing and I am so grateful. I hope the next time I'm wading through the flood waters, I remember and thank God for all the times I've been spared, and thank Him for all those who were spared, and ask Him for the grace to wade through.

Shopping Frustration

2008-07-01T21:56:00.000-07:00

I have been looking for a bathing suit so I can take Lysa to the pool this summer, as she LOVES it there and will happily spend hours in the water. When I went to Tigh-Na-Mara, I realized the elastic in my bathing suit has finally given out - thank goodness there weren't a lot of people around, haha!

I now realize two things in my pursuit of swimwear. Swimsuits are now made solely for people who:

1. Want to wear an itty-bitty string bikini

and

2. Who have big breasts.

I am neither of those people. I just want an affordable swimsuit that fits - is that too much to ask? I find that one-piece swimsuits don't fit me because I don't have the curves to fill them out, especially on top, so I'm looking for a two piece tank top style that is DECENT and I can comfortably wear in public and not have to worry about showing off things I don't want to show off while maneuvering Lysa around. But all I can find anywhere are these ridiculously skimpy bikini tops or one-piece bathing suits that are way too big. The closest I came was a $40 girls' extra, extra large at Sears... but I don't want to pay that much money for a swimsuit that's really too snug... I'm hoping to get to the Lougheed mall soon and have better luck there.

All I want is a bathing suit that fits so I can take Lysa to the pool!!!

Sunshine and Heat

2008-06-29T11:09:00.001-07:00

I LOVE finally having sunshine! It makes such a difference in brightening my days... however, the heat, I'm not such a big fan of. I know that's terrible, since I've been complaining endlessly of the cold, but what can I say? I enjoy moderate temperatures! I usually start the day outside with Layni, playing in the backyard or splashing in our itty-bitty wading pool, then I'll come in during the hottest part of the day and hang out with Lysa in the basement. She is NOT a fan of the heat either. Gets very lethargic and doesn't want to eat. Thank God for her G-Tube so we can keep her hydrated and give her nutrition by pumping Pediasure into her. So we cuddle and listen to music or watch her favourite DVDs or read books... it's not that tough having fun with Lysa :) And when it's cooler, we go for nice long walks.

Jolie is at her big jewellery sale downtown, Portobello. I'm praying she is wildly successful and sells tons of pieces. She works so hard and is so talented; she deserves all the best!

So that means I stayed home from church today to be with the kids. It's "Family Sunday" there, which means the kids stay in the service instead of going to Kidzone, so neither Layni nor Mattias wanted to go, and Marty, who gets home from work at 4:00 AM did not feel up to dealing with three crazy kids by himself. I really miss going to church the occasional Sundays I don't get there and I really miss Thursday morning Bible study during the summer. I feel so disconnected; going every week and having that fellowship grounds me for the rest of the week. Okay, I'll stop whining now!

Well, I should go make sure the little hooligans aren't making too much mischief in the backyard (thank You God for a big backyard!) and that Lysa is happy listening to the new CD we got from the library. Send good wishes Jolie's way today!

2 1/2 Days...

2008-06-23T22:16:00.000-07:00

... until school is over for the summer. On the one hand, I look forward to a more relaxed schedule and being able to do fun things with the kids, but in another way I dread it. I think partly it is because I'm not going to visit my family in NB until the fall so the summer seems to stretch longer than usual, though I've no doubt it will fly by. But the hardest part is juggling a special needs child with a (or when Mattias is here, two) high energy kids.

In many ways, Lysa is the least high-maintenance of all the kids. She enjoys the simple things in life, she is amazingly patient, and pretty much always joyful and laid-back. However, because of her disabilities, she's a completely hands-on child, especially when we go out anywhere. Mattias is more manageable now that he's older; more likely to do what he's told and is pretty good when we go out, unless Layni is along, causing mischief and mayhem. However, I still like to have my feet free to chase and hands free to grab, just in case - he is still, after all, an energetic and often mischievous kid. So really, it is impossible for me to take all three kids out anywhere by myself.

The challenge is not leaving Lysa out all the time. It can be very easy to just leave her at home, listening to music and kicking along, because she does love it, and she rarely complains. She is more unpredictable when taken new places... although she is infinitely more adaptable than she used to be, we're still unsure of how long it may take her to adapt to a different environment... she can become overstimulated by crowds or loud noises, though she has come so far since beginning school and acclimatizing to school assemblies, for example. Two of her favourite activities are going for walks and going swimming at the pool, which I'm sure will be a regular part of our routine this summer.

I'm sure that we will have a wonderful summer, but the idea of one hands-on and two high-maintenance kids home all day, every day, for two months straight... seems a bit overwhelming!

I'm Thankful For...

2008-06-19T22:55:00.000-07:00

... my cozy warm fleece St. Andrews-by-the-Sea sweater that my aunt gave me two Christmases ago, that has been my faithful friend during this ridiculously cold spring.

... my bed and pile of blankets to snuggle into every night, and a roof over my head, as I know lots of people don't have that privilege.

... the sunshine when it actually comes out to brighten our days and our spirits!

... friends who are always there to encourage and uplift, to have fun with and inspire me just by being themselves.

... the Bible, which I'm learning more every day is full of God's wisdom and love.

... all books, which are the joy of my life!

... kids, who make me laugh and teach me new things every day.

... my family - I appreciate them more with every passing year.

... Jesus, who loves me no matter what, but who is also constantly working to make me more into His beautiful likeness and is infinitely patient with me in the meantime.

... the privilege of freely going to church and Bible study every week.

... things and people who make me laugh - like my brother sending me jokes via email or Lysa's infectious giggle.

... yummy food, and the people who make it (cause you know I hate to!)

... music that inspires or is just plain fun to listen to!

... mail - I always have and always will love getting mail.

... a good night's sleep.

... a remarkably healthy body which enables me to do all the things I do.

... TV on DVD - I love sitting down and being able to watch whenever I want.

... Jake - he has to live forever because I love our fat cat!

... a job that I love - that pays the bills but also allows me to serve and enjoy each day (well, most days!)

Miscellaneous Thoughts

2008-06-09T00:24:00.000-07:00

Watched Anne of Green Gables tonight with Layni. I LOVE that movie... and I miss the East Coast. September seems too far away. I finished "Before Green Gables" by Budge Wilson and was very pleasantly surprised to find that I enjoyed it immensely - despite the sacrilege of not being written by L.M. Montgomery herself ;)

I can't believe it's June... where is the sun? Where is the warmth? It's depressing - literally.

I've been feeling disconnected. I've been helping out with childcare lately at Thursday morning Bible study and due to working in nursery, kidzone, being away or being at home with the kids, it's been a month and a half since I've gotten to attend an entire church service.

Well, it will probably help me to get to bed and get a good night's sleep. I'm hoping and praying for some sunshine this week to brighten the days and my spirit.

Everyday Miracles

2008-06-06T00:07:00.000-07:00

I think when you're with children, experiencing the world through their eyes, you see miracles every day. I remember the moment when Layni first learned to put sounds together to read a Dick and Jane book - that miraculous moment of a whole new world opening up to her. I remember the afternoon she learned to ride a two-wheeler without training wheels - that exhilarating moment when she got it and she was flying along by herself. I remember the moment when Elysa got her first walker and was upright and moved along the floor by kicking her feet all by herself and the utter joy and wonder on her face.

There are those "normal" first moments of excitement that anyone experiences with a child - first step, first word, first day of school... Then with a child like Lysa, every tiny (to other people) milestone is a huge celebration. But for me, it also has planted in me an utter wonder and appreciation and thrill for the normal milestones of childhood development.

Everyone is delighted when their child learns to crawl, but I watch it with joy and amazement, because I know the strength and coordination and intricate movements it involves. I was watching one of our beautiful babies in Bible study today, scurrying across the floor, and it's truly a wonderful sight. Lysa can (and loves to) roll on her belly, she can even pull her legs up under her, but isn't able to get her arms going to crawl because she doesn't have the strength or coordination... and she may not (probably won't) ever be able to do that. And that's okay, because we adore her just as she is, and celebrate whatever she accomplishes. But it does give you a different perspective on the every day miracles of life.

Tigh-Na-Mara

2008-06-05T23:00:00.000-07:00

Jolie, the girls and I had an excellent three day get-away to Tigh-Na-Mara in Parksville on the island. To celebrate seven years together, Jolie cashed in airmiles so we could have a two night stay at this beautiful seaside resort. After a ridiculously expensive ferry ride ($80 each way), we checked into our lovely room, which had a full kitchen, big screen TV, and ocean front view... wow! Sunday afternoon, Lysa and I enjoyed a walk on the beach, splashing in the warm ocean waters as the tide came in, and then a refreshing nap, while Jolie and Layni ventured out for a trail ride, much to Layni's delight! We took another walk on the beach in front of our room after supper, with Layni and me splashing in the ocean and collecting seashells.

The next day, we went to Coombs to see the famous Old Country Market, where we admired the goats munching away on the roof, and bought cookies to munch on and wooden toys for the kids, before heading to the Parrot Refuge. As Jolie had visited a couple years ago with Marty, she and Lysa enjoyed a snack outside, while Layni and I enjoyed meeting the hundreds of rescued parrots from all over the world. Such beautiful and entertaining creatures, some of them in heart-breaking condition from being abused or neglected, but blessed enough to find a loving home in this refuge. That evening, we watched Veggie Tales: The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything - which I think Jolie and I enjoyed more than the girls (as usual). My favourite line was something to the effect of: "Nothing seems impossible after swimming 96 nautical miles without hands or feet!"

Tuesday morning, I went for a soak in the grotto spa after breakfast. It was a luxurious experience. They provided a fluffy robe, towel, and sandals to lounge in poolside before enjoying the mineral-infused waters, hot tub and cooling waterfalls. Afterwards, they provided orange-grapefruit-ylang body wash, shampoo and conditioner for your steaming shower and then hairdryers, curling irons, hair spray, lotions... anything you could think of to need. Once again, wow! I can see how people could get used to living in the lap of luxury :)

When I returned, we went for one last walk on the beach - this time the tide was out, so we walked and walked until finally meeting the ocean waves again. We delighted in the sea life... sand dollars, crabs, fish, and sea snails playing in the surf as well as the birds preying on them. The wonders of God's creation delight me every day! We headed home on the Coastal Renaissance, and it was a roomy, comfortable ride (though wildly windy outside).

We had sunshine and lukewarm weather for our trip and the rain held off until we headed home, so I can't complain. The only downside - and is this because I'm getting old? Because it's never been a problem for me in my life! - was that the beds in the hotel killed my back. I was stiff and sore on Monday, but pretty much any movement was difficult and painful on Tuesday, and I was beginning to panic that something was seriously wrong. (What if I can't move normally? How will I handle Lysa? What if I lose my job? How will I live with this horrible pain every day? Yes, I tend to panic/worry/imagine the worst!) Thankfully, I woke up Wednesday able to move freely and with only a twinge left over, and today I'm fine - thank You, God! I have so much more empathy for anyone who's experienced back pain now... and I pray (selfishly?) that I never experience it again!

It was lovely and refreshing to get away for a few days, to enjoy different experiences, savour the beauty of God's creation, and delight in peace and quiet for awhile. We had a wonderful time, and I'm so grateful for the getaway... thanks, Jolie!

Evil Streak

2008-06-05T22:38:00.000-07:00

I don't like massages, but I love to have my back scratched. While Layni was in the tub tonight, I was telling her about my imaginary future when I become rich, I'm going to hire someone to scratch my back whenever I ring my little bell. So she came up with a business proposition - I pay her five dollars a year, and she will scratch my back whenever I ask. I gave her $5 and when Marty heard about this arrangement, he shook his head and told Layni, "You really need a business manager to negotiate your contracts." So tonight, she scratched my back half a dozen times when I asked.

When I told Jolie that I'd actually taken the $5 from Layni's wallet, she said, "That's so rude!" Marty's reply was, "You're evil, Janis!"

Maybe I am, but I thought it was funny...

and I did confess to Layni later in the evening. She gave me a funny look and then laughed. Good thing she's got a sense of humour... of course, I've probably emotionally maimed her for life with my wicked ways... hee hee!

Girl Vacation!

2008-06-01T07:13:00.001-07:00

Jolie, the girls and I are heading to the island for three days of rest and relaxation... without boys... yay!!! No offense, Marty ;) Okay, gotta go get the monsters ready... we're leaving in an hour!

I'M GOING TO SEE MADONNA!!!

2008-05-24T11:25:00.000-07:00

You know, I wasn't the biggest Madonna fan in junior high or high school; I enjoyed some of her songs, but not enough to buy an album. And her in-your-face-look-at-me-I'm-so-sexually-rebellious persona never appealed to me. It was after I saw Evita in college (she truly did an a amazing job in that role!) and she embraced motherhood and started to tone down her obsession with sex that the tide started to turn for me. When I started working for Jolie seven years ago, I listened to the Music album a lot, as that was what the girls listened to in utero and would calm them down when they were infants. Since Jolie is such a huge fan, I've gotten to listen to her albums and I've grown to love a lot of her music... it's fun! And all the songs on the Immaculate Collection bring back all those memories of the growing-up years... it's funny how hearing an old song will bring a memory back. So for my seven year anniversary with the family (today!), Jolie bought tickets to the Madonna concert in the fall. My last concert was ten years ago... dc talk, before they broke up... remember, Alisha? Generally, I'm not a concert person... too loud (I'm so old!)... I'd rather just watch the concert DVD in the comfort of my living room - plus, it's a lot cheaper! But I think this concert will be a once-in-a-lifetime event... THANKS, JOLIE!!!

Oh God...

2008-05-22T23:51:00.000-07:00

Jesus, this is another time that we think, "WHY?!" How could You let this happen? How can anything good come out of this? Oh Lord, I lift this family up to You and beg You to help them get through the days and months and years ahead. Only with You, could someone survive such tragedy. Oh Jesus, I know this beautiful little girl is safe and sound and eternally happy in Your arms at this very moment, but her parents and siblings, especially her brother, must feel so utterly heartbroken and maybe they feel abandoned by You. Oh Jesus, I pray especially for her brother... a horrible accident that will haunt him the rest of his life. Oh Jesus, don't let him be destroyed by guilt and self-hatred... give him a hope and a future in You. Somehow use this horrible thing for Your glory... to draw each member of this family closer to You and to each other. Comfort them, Jesus, give them the strength to keep on breathing and to hang on tight to each other. Oh Lord, there are no words, but my heart cries out to You on their behalf... pour out Your mercy and grace on them. Help them, Jesus, as only You can. Help us all, Jesus, to see You in the midst of the darkness of this world, in the midst of hopelessness and despair, help us to hang onto You for dear life. Oh Jesus, thank You for being our hope, thank You that You are bigger than all of this, and someday, we will all be Home with You and it will finally all be okay.

Innocence Lost... Again

2008-05-21T22:20:00.000-07:00

"To the pure all things are pure, but to the corrupt and unbelieving nothing is pure."

Titus 1:15

Tonight, I was feeding Lysa supper while Marty did the dishes (God bless him!) and he was goofing around, spraying Lysa with the hose from the sink, which made her giggle insanely (and got the floor all wet, but once again, making Lysa laugh trumps all common sense!). I laughed and called him and Lysa a couple of goofs, to which Marty and Jolie promptly informed me that the word is now a very derogatory term that would get me beat up if I used it in public. Seriously? Goof is now worse than a swear word? I feel like that day in college, when walking with my best friend, she informed me that fairy no longer refers to the woodland sprites of our childhood imaginings, but is now a homosexual term. Why? Why do people take my precious language from me and pollute it to mean terrible things it was never intended to mean? And I, in my innocence, am completely ignorant until some wiser soul educates me in the hope that I won't inadvertently get pummelled someday.

It's a good thing my citizenship is in heaven (Philippians 3:20), because sometimes I just can't handle this world anymore!

The Best Kind of Friend...

2008-05-20T23:27:00.001-07:00

The best kind of friend is someone who even when one or both of you feel like complete crap, you can still just be together and enjoy each other's company. My best friend is like that... no matter how much life sucks, it's still fun just to be together... and we've been through it all together!

Today, I had lots of stuff I should be doing... preparing for Bible study tomorrow and finishing the thank you notes for our Ladies' Spring Tea being at the top of the list... but last night, I was talking to a friend whose family is going through all kinds of stuff and she just doesn't feel like getting out of bed in the morning - I well know that feeling! I suggested we get together to watch an Audrey Hepburn movie. We ended up watching two Jimmy Stewart movies on the Turner Classic Movie channel... The Glen Miller Story and Hitchcock's The Man Who Knew Too Much. She was in her pj's, and me in my comfy blue fleece sweatshirt and jeans, and we just snacked and watched and occasionally giggled and marvelled about how great old movies are. Sometimes there's nothing you can do to make a situation better, but you can always just be there... and often, that's enough. I know from experience. I'm honoured to have that kind of friend, and to be that kind of friend... the very best kind.

Loving the Sunshine!

2008-05-17T22:44:00.000-07:00

Today was a great day. I slept in for the first time in a long time and enjoyed the rest too much to wallow in guilt about wasting half of such a beautiful day. After a late breakfast, Layni and I cleaned out and filled our little wading pool in the backyard. She, DeeDee and I all squished in for some splashing, kicking fun in the hot sun. While Lysa was napping later, Layni and I laid out on a blanket, doing puzzle books together, then played badminton and tag until supper time. Us girls are heading to Merritt tomorrow for an overnight visit to Jolie's mom and stepdad's, while Marty stays home and enjoys some peace and quiet. I wonder if it will make him miss us? Or just wish we were all gone more often? Haha!

Why Do I Blog?

2008-05-16T16:28:00.000-07:00

I was introduced to blogging about two years ago by my friend Krista. You have to know I am the MOST computer illiterate person on the planet... I'm able to check my email and google things and that's about it! The first year or so, I ended up posting about once a month, an update on the month's activities. Then about a year ago, I started a new blog in a fit of desperation and depression late one night and titled it "What's Wrong With Me?"

Why do I blog? For one thing, it's a practical way to keep in touch with long-distance friends and family who want to know what I'm up to... they can click onto my blog and get an idea of what's happening in my life.

But I think, for me, the most important thing it does, ironically - because I know this is not true of all blogs - is keep me accountable. I'm the kind of person who it's not easy for me to say things out loud, especially if it's anything personal or painful. Writing has always been my strongest form of communication. When I'm not doing well with my depression, that's when I'm most unable to reach out to other people and yet, when I most need it.

The past couple weeks have been hard... a dear friend died, which just gets your mind going in all sorts of directions, good and bad, aside from the grief and loss; and something else happened that broke my heart. It's been hard to get out of bed in the morning, to summon the willpower to do the things that need doing, to reach out and say hey, I just need someone to hang out with. Because when you're depressed, the self-destructive behavioural defenses kick in... I'm not going to let anyone see me weak, I'm not going to ask for help, I deserve all the pain I feel, etc. I tend to take anything negative in my life - circumstances, feelings, conflicts - and turn it inward against myself as a weapon.

Thankfully, I have a solid foundation of hope and faith in Jesus. I have resources in Him. Granted, I don't always use them, but I am getting better. I don't wallow in the pit of self-hatred and self-destruction that I used to... now I only stick my toe in sometimes ;)

So, I want to get back to using this blog to keep myself accountable in my struggles... to say when I'm having a hard time... because when you bring things out of the darkness and into the light, they're never as bad as you think they are, and only then can you work on healing. So, I want to take even five minutes at the end of each day, maybe just to say, today was hard, or today was good, or this is what I want to work on, or this is what I hope is better tomorrow.

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-11T22:42:00.000-07:00

The kids are in bed, Marty is at work and Jolie and I are hanging out downstairs, listening to records; she's working while I check my email. I just got up to flip over the record and tripped over the laundry basket and flew halfway across the room. No, I'm not hurt, thank you for asking. Jolie asked about ten minutes after the incident, when she had stopped laughing long enough to form words. It reminds me of the time we all dressed up as ghosts for Halloween because we thought it would be such an easy costume. Layni tripped on her bedsheet and fell down. I tried to comfort the crying, hysterical child while Jolie rolled around on the sidewalk, hysterical herself, with laughter. She says people falling down is just funny. So note to all of you, if you fall down and seriously hurt yourself, you better pray there's someone other than Jolie around to help you!

Layni woke me up at 1:30 this morning with some crazy story about Lysa... finally I said, "Is Lysa awake? Is she whining?" After staring at me for a few moments, Layni replied, "Yes." I think she was half-asleep and dreaming. When I went upstairs, I found Lysa screaming and crying. Funny how they can be fine one day, and wake up sick the next. I think she has a bit of a cold, so I gave her a syringe of Pediasure, some water and cold medicine and brought her into my bed to snuggle. We ended up listening to a CD of silly songs all night (thank God for the "Repeat All" button on CD players!) and sleeping in this morning. I was just telling a friend yesterday that my hours are unpredictable!

Marty and Jolie took Layni and Mattias out to Langley to have dinner with Marty's mom and brother. Lysa and I stayed home and went out for a long walk, enjoyed the fresh air and got some CDs from the library. Tonight, after tucking the kids into bed, Jolie and I sat down to Desperate Housewives, our recent Sunday night tradition.

I called my mom to wish her a happy Mother's day, of course. I love my mom... she is so much fun, funny, generous, kind, honest, loving... the absolute best. I am SO grateful to have her in my life, and can't wait to see her in the fall!

Well, I'm going to get off the computer and get to bed at a reasonable hour, hopefully. I've been re-reading Anne of Green Gables... my mother's copy from when she was a girl... and I'm almost done. Such a classic!

And oh yes, the best Mother's Day present of all... Jolie had her last shift at the Foggy Dew last night... she's FREE!!! She may fill in occasionally when needed, but now it's up to her, she can say no if she wants to... now the jewelery business just needs to take off and make a profit, and we'll be set!

Confession and Thanksgiving

2008-05-07T22:20:00.000-07:00

I have a confession to make. Today, I stole a Reader's Digest from the dentist's office. I justified it to myself because it didn't have a sticker on it saying "Property of the Dentist's Office" - but that's no excuse. I confess to my criminal activity, and I'm sorry. But I'd probably do it again.

What caused this lapse of moral judgement? I was holding Dee Dee, who had passed her dental exam with flying colours (and none of her usual screaming or whining - way to go, kid!), when I glanced over to the table next to the couch we were sitting on. The cover said, "Guess Who's Most Polite: Reader's Digest Tests Canadians' Courtesy." Nothing that earth-shattering or exciting, but I was curious to see if the Maritimes would score higher than the West Coast. (Moncton was the city with the highest score - way to go NB! - with Calgary and Vancouver tied for second.) As I was looking at the table of contents to find the pertinent page, I saw an article titled "Finding Baby Jessica... Again." All I saw were the words Baby Jessica and I thought, "Oh, the baby that fell down the well in Texas... I wonder how she's doing!" But when I turned to page 64 after looking at the results of the courtesy survey, I found a very different story... one I'd never heard before.

It told the story of three teenage boys heading home after school one spring day in 1986 in a rural community outside Victoria. They heard a strange sound coming from the ditch across the road and when they went to investigate, they found a gym bag sitting in the stream of water. Inside they found a soaking wet newborn baby girl. In a time before cell phones or even 911 in rural areas, they flagged down a passing car who went for help. When rescue personnel showed up twenty minutes later, the boys were told the infant was 2 or 3 hours old and may have been in the ditch for an hour or more. If she had been found ten or twenty minutes later, she likely would have died of exposure or drowned. She was dubbed "Baby Jessica."

The boys grew up, married and had families of their own. But every April 14th, they would raise a beer in her memory and wonder how she was doing.

Twenty years later, they received a phone call and heard a voice saying, "Hello. I'm Baby Jessica. Thank you for saving me." A week later they and their families got to meet her in person. She had been adopted into a loving family with a brother and sister, loved horseback riding, gymnastics, basketball and snowboarding, and was now training to be a paramedic.

I couldn't believe this story... that someone would leave their child in a cold, wet stream to die... that the boys would be at the exact right place at the exact right time to save a little life...

To me, it shows how depraved human beings can be in our selfishness... no doubt, this was a very broken mother to have abandoned her child like that... what had happened to her to make her take such an action? It also shows me how good God is, that He would arrange for those boys to find that innocent little girl and save her life, and provide her a loving family to nurture her and provide what her birth parents could or would not.

And I want to shout to the world how good God is, tell everyone the good news...

because that beautiful girl is my cousin.

Bad Influence?

2008-05-07T22:14:00.000-07:00

Jolie just said to me, "Elayna's going to be a performing nun! All she wants to do is perform in front of the school and listen to Christian music and pray! What have you done to my daughter?!"

I guess while I was at Bible study tonight, she told Jolie she wants to go to Catholic school. "What seven-year-old wants to go to Catholic school?" I blame that on Jolie, however, telling her how much she enjoyed being taught by the nuns. I really don't see Layni being a nun, but who knows?!

My Best Friend's Husband...

2008-05-03T10:21:00.001-07:00

... is an amazing man, and I am so grateful that God brought him into her life. He's not perfect, but he is perfect for her. And it is a great comfort to me to know that though I'm far away and unable to be Jesus' hands and feet in her life, he is there, doing his best, doing an extraordinary job... an everyday hero... thanks, Derek. I love you and admire you and respect you and appreciate you so much, though I don't say it often enough... thank you for taking care of my best friend. Thank you for being you, for being a reflection of Jesus' extraordinary love in our lives... you may not feel like it, but you truly are.

*Again, click on the title for the link.

Crazy...

2008-05-02T18:59:00.000-07:00

I've been watching video and looking at pictures from the flooding in New Brunswick... places I know are underwater, businesses are flooded, schools are closed, some people's homes have literally floated away (though no one I know personally). So far all my family and friends are safe, though it's hard to get around as numerous roads are underwater, and my dad's automotive shop may be flooded. He went fishing this weekend nonetheless... after all, worrying about it is not going to help, so might as well fish! That's my dad's philosophy of life, God bless him. And it's true. My mom and I, on the other hand, are more the worrying type ;) My mom, who works at the airport, says people getting off flights remark on how bizarre it is to fly over, because everything is covered in water. So far, there have been no deaths reported, thank God, but I can't even imagine the cost of damage to homes and businesses, and New Brunswick is not the richest province to start off... well, not financially. In spirit and kindness, we are second to none!

*I'm still working on my skills, but if you click on the title, you can see pictures of the flooding.

Layni's Philosophy of God

2008-04-29T23:07:00.000-07:00

Layni and I were walking home from the mall this afternoon after running an errand for Jolie (buying the new Madonna CD) and of course, Layni wants to play that game that all kids play... don't step on the cracks or those rocks, only on these lines, or whatever the rules happen to be...

Me: "What am I supposed to do, float over the rocky part?" (It would have been impossible to not step on some of the parts she said were out of bounds.)

Layni: "Don't be silly, people can't do that!"

Me: "Jesus can!"

Layni: "Jesus doesn't count, He can do anything!"

Me: "Like what?"

Layni: "Like make people blind."

Me: "Pardon me? Don't you mean make blind people see?"

Layni: "No, He can make people blind, like Paul in the Bible."

Me: "Oh yeah... I guess He can do anything. Can He even do bad things?" (What do you mean, do I like to bait the little children? Okay, yeah, I do.)

Layni: "Nooooooo..."

Me: (Still baiting) "But I thought He could do anything."

Layni: "He could do bad things, but He's good, so He wouldn't, so He can't."

Me: "You're smarter than most theologians."

Can't Sleep

2008-04-29T00:50:00.000-07:00

It's 12:50 AM and my heart is grieving for a friend who has thrown away God's love, and the love of her husband and friends... I'm praying the prodigal will return home... I love her and miss her so much. It haunts me night and day. Oh God, bring her home to us, please.

There are so many heartaches, troubles, sorrows, trials in this world... people I love and care about... sometimes it's overwhelming. But I cling to my hope in God, for when everything else passes away, He remains.

Tidbits on the Last Week

2008-04-23T22:09:00.000-07:00

Vancouver Fashion Week went well for Jolie. There were "living models" who modeled her jewelery on Wednesday and Thursday, she had a vintage style exhibit that attracted a lot of attention, she made lots of contacts in the industry, did her first interview, learned tons, and felt good about the results. She has a meeting tomorrow in Yaletown with a store interested in selling her designs. Hopefully, it will all translate into sales, because she is so close to quitting the bar - they keep scheduling her for days they KNOW she can't work... it's so ridiculous and frustrating.

It was a quiet weekend with the girls gone to visit their dad's side of the family. It was nice to spend some one-on-one time with Mattias... he's such a good kid when Layni's not around! We watched Brother Bear and its sequel on Friday and Saturday night, went to our church's open house on Saturday, which featured... A BOUNCY CASTLE!!! I don't think Mattias will ever get over the excitement! He asked the poor face painters to make him a Spiderman mask to cover his face (quelle surprise!) but happily settled for a bicycle instead. He was quite thrilled when Layni got home early enough on Sunday for them to play together before he went back to his mom's (as was Layni) - such a love/fighting relationship with those two!

Mattias decided to stay home from church to be with his dad, as there was no Kids Church on Sunday morning. I felt kind of bereft without kids to chase after; luckily, my buddy Maegan came that Sunday and kept me company. We chatted and drew pictures and had a good time (while totally paying attention to the service of course, haha!). It reminded me of after ladies' Thursday morning Bible study when I first got to know her, and she would teach me dance moves or we would play hide 'n' seek. For someone who used to only half-jokingly say of kids, "I hate the little buggers!" I get quite attached to all my little buddies. Thanks, Maegan, for sitting with me and helping me not be lonely on Sunday morning! I love you!

EXCITING BREAKTHROUGH!!! Lysa listened to her earphones - ON her ears! - for 15 minutes two days in a row! This is so exciting because (like Warren in There's Something About Mary) she HATES having anything around or on her ears. My mom suggested that it's maybe because her hearing is her strongest sense and she might fear being cut off from the outside world, which makes sense. I am so proud of her!!!

Tuesday was Earth Day, and Layni read her poem and performed a song with her class at the school assembly. At a couple points, we could totally hear her little voice belting it out over everyone else. Lysa too performed with her class, ringing her bells as they sang a song. I am one of those "parents" that doesn't pay attention to anyone else's kids, because I'm so focused on my little cuties. They do have their adorable moments! After the assembly, the school went on a nature walk through the woods. Jolie and I went with Lysa and her special needs buddies, Leanne and Ella and their SEAs, on quite challenging terrain. I'd forgotten what a good workout those trails are... my heart was really pumping! At a few places, Jolie and I had to "portage" - lift up the stroller and carry it over big rocks - which Lysa finds hilarious, the pampered little princess! We used to do a lot of strenuous hiking like that, but the last couple years have gotten so busy - we really miss it. The gym does not compare at all to that real-life cardiac workout - and yet, you enjoy the beauty of God's creation so much, it's worth it.

Layni and her friend have started a club - that's her new thing, starting clubs at school - first it was the skipping club and now it's the picking up litter club. I love her passion for helping the environment.

We are three weeks into Beth Moore's "Breaking Free" Bible study on Wednesday nights (which I'm also doing with a couple friends on Friday mornings, so I should really know my stuff by the end of the study!) and we had a great discussion tonight about the benefits of our relationship with God...

1. Knowing God and believing Him
2. Glorifying God
3. Finding satisfaction in God
4. Experiencing the peace of God
5. Enjoying God's presence

See, I am learning something! There's so much to think about - it's really challenging me, "Do I really believe what I say I believe, and if I really do, how is that going to affect my life? Because if I really believe, these are life-changing truths!"

And when I got home, Marty had a delicious steak waiting for me... yummy! Yes, he has his good points ;)

Oh God...

2008-04-20T22:54:00.001-07:00

I cry out to You, Lord. I just got the email that Sandra is home with You. Oh Lord, I do believe, help my unbelief. I know she is in perfect peace and health, no more pain or suffering, that her faith has become sight, that she is rejoicing in Your arms right now, and I am so happy for her, Lord. But so, so sad for us. Oh God, I thought she would pull through this time like so many others... I guess no matter what I knew in my head might or probably would happen, my heart couldn't conceive that she would actually leave us. Oh Jesus, help her husband and her sons... give them a hope and a future, which I'm sure they cannot fathom without her in their lives. The world just seems emptier now. Oh God, help them to keep breathing, to survive this loss, this pain... I can't even imagine. Oh Lord, hold them in Your arms... they need you so much, we all do. I don't have any words, Jesus, I don't know what to say, except help us all survive this, help us carry on in a way that honours who Sandra is, which hasn't changed at all even though she doesn't walk this earth anymore. Help us remember our dear beautiful friend as we worship and praise You as she did through the good, the bad and the ugly. Help us to love and to give and to embrace life completely like her. Help us to be just a little bit like this amazing wonderful lady, and the world, though emptier, will be a better place. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You for blessing my life with her presence... for her love, encouragement, faith; she taught me so much, just by being herself. Oh God, thank You that we have hope in You - and help us to hold onto our faith until one day, our faith too, becomes sight, when we stand in Your glorious presence and all our hurts are healed and we become fully ourselves, everything You created us to be. Oh Jesus, my tears cry out to You for all of us who loved Sandra... they say what words never could. To You, Jesus, be all honour, glory and praise, for You alone are worthy. Give Sandra a hug from me, Jesus. In Your precious name I pray, amen.

Will-Powered Faith

2008-04-17T23:57:00.000-07:00

This post was written by Beth Moore's son-in-law, Curtis Jones. If I was a little computer savvier, I would just post the link, but I'm not, so I copied and pasted instead :) It really spoke to me of how trying to do things without the power of the Holy Spirit is going to end in disaster, one way or the other.

"I’m the king of commitments. My specialty is spiritual commitments. I’m going to read through the Bible in one year. I’m going to share my faith every day. I’m going pray with my wife every night. You name the commitment and I guarantee I have made it. And broken it. Each time I come with good intentions, a pure heart, and an intense desire to do what is right, but rarely does it work.

Will-powered faith is the worst kind of faith. A relationship with God that is rooted in our ability or strength is doomed to fail for two reasons. First, a will-powered faith will result in self-loathing. We make commitments, try our hardest, give it our all, and fail. So we try again…and fail. And the only person we have to blame is ourselves. Some of us suffer from a spiritual depression because we have lived in a cycle between trying and failing for so long. Second, if our will-powered faith doesn’t end in self-loathing it is because it ended in self-righteousness. We make commitments, try our hardest, and we succeed. We congratulate ourselves on a job well done. Then we look around and notice that other people are not experiencing the same success we are. Why don’t they try as hard as me? Maybe they are just not as godly. Self-loathing or self-righteousness—God hates both.

That’s why he sent us a Helper. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you (John 14:16-17, ESV). Jesus said it was to our advantage that He went away so He could send the Holy Spirit (John 16:7) to rescue us from the inevitable cycle of human strength-centered living. He will give us the help that we cannot give ourselves. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Eph 3:20-21, ESV). The Holy Spirit’s power at work within you, the same power that raised Christ from the dead (Romans 8:11), is able to do for you supernaturally what you could not do naturally: live for Jesus and resist fast food."

Kid Stories

2008-04-17T23:34:00.000-07:00

Since Layni has gone with me to church for several years, she incorporated prayer time after our story into the bedtime routine a couple years ago. Well, I guess Mattias has heard us pray and wants to get in on the action now too. I've never asked him if he wanted to pray, because Marty is very non-religious, and I think his mom is too, and I'm not about to start anything that would offend either of them. But the last few weeks he has asked me if we can pray as I'm tucking him in after story time and I can't say no. My prayer usually goes something like, "Thank You, God, for today and (whatever fun things we did) and help us all get a good night's sleep." (Simple, honest, and non-offensive, I think.) Then Mattias prays and it's always something like, "Thank You, God, for everything. I wish I could play Spiderman but I can't because it's bedtime. (Big sigh) Amen." That kid cracks me up all the time!

The power of peer influence... for her birthday, Layni got a Geronimo Stilton book from one of her school friends, and has been obsessed ever since... which is fine with me, as I quite enjoy them too! She also got a Hannah Montana board game from one of her friends. I'd never heard of Hannah Montana before and neither had Layni, but she's since discovered the show on TV and is similarly infatuated. Tonight, she and Mattias were playing with their imaginary friends, Spidey and Miley. I guess there are worse things she could be interested in - and she's quite impressed because one of her school friends told her that the real Miley is a Christian... wow, she sings, dances and loves Jesus - Layni's new superhero! I think Mattias is going to stick with Spiderman though, even though Layni's trying to convert him!

Lysa has been healthy and happy all week, super excited to be back at school with all her friends. Layni and I discovered today that she likes to be "Dust-busted" - Layni was cleaning up a mess on the living room floor and pretended to vacuum Lysa up too. Instead of freaking out like I expected, she burst into uncontrollable giggles. Crazy kid! Her laughter is such a blessing to us all.

The girls are going to visit their grandparents this weekend, so Mattias and I will find some adventures, I'm sure. We might go to the Open House at our church on Saturday afternoon... I hear there's a bouncy castle, and really, what more could a kid ask for? Janis, on the other hand, could definitely ask for cake... always obsessed, haha!

She's Back!

2008-04-14T23:20:00.001-07:00

Our hilarious, delightful DeeDee is back, and it's so good to have her around again! Jolie and I were "bad" and let her sleep a full nine hours, since it's the first time she's slept through the night in a few days. She woke up playful, giggling, ready to chow down, kick around and have a great day.

We headed downtown early so Jolie could pick up her copies of Bridge magazine (www.bridgemag.com), in which there's a full page ad for Jolie Mack Designs - how exciting! We killed time by walking around Granville Island, eating cookies, feeding the pigeons, and marvelling at the atmosphere... Granville Island is one of my favourite places.

This was my first EEG experience with Lysa - during her previous ones, I had stayed home looking after Layni. I was impressed with how well she did. She didn't enjoy them colouring all over her head with a red marker, but once we flipped her over on her tummy, she found the tedious process of attaching electrodes all over her head quite amusing. She's been loving her tummy time lately, which is great exercise for her and encourages her to use her impulse to throw her head back in a positive way, to lift her head up and look around. Then after getting her happy and interested, we had to get her to sleep. The nurse (EEG-ologist?) dimmed the lights, turned on a CD of lullabies, we cuddled her in a soft blanket with her favourite stuffed monkey, and she actually fell asleep relatively quickly. Let me tell you, in that soothing atmosphere, I was more than ready to lay down and have a nap myself! Poor kid, though, was probably just getting into a really good dream when we had to wake her up again so they could flash blinding lights into her eyes. I must say she put up with all the craziness very well! It's so great to have our easy-going, happy kid back - and no more whining! Thank You Jesus!!!

We have always said that Lysa is the "Zen" in the family and I have realized just how true that is the past few days. With Lysa miserable, we were ALL miserable! But when Lysa's her usual peaceful, joyful self, she centres us all. You can't be stressed out or sad when you hear her contagious laugh. She brings the whole family together doing crazy things to make her giggle. When you're cuddling or laughing and playing with her, all is well with the world. Some people might look at her life as a tragedy, but these past few days emphasized to me how incredibly blessed we are to have her, just as she is, in our lives. We need her and her simple outlook on life to ground us all and keep us sane. I am so thankful for my wonderful little buddy - she gives me far more than I could ever give her!

Looking Forward to a Good Night's Sleep!

2008-04-13T23:20:00.001-07:00

That pretty much sums it up, haha! I got four hours last night, and the night before, and I am someone who needs at least eight hours a night... sleep deprivation does not become me. I become easily irritated, more impatient, prone to headaches and the worst... the twitchy eye! Don't mess with me when I'm so tired that the eye is twitching!

The kids were relatively good this weekend... well, Layni and Mattias... Lysa's still killing us with the whining. It makes me realize how much we take for granted what a good, patient, loving, funny, fun kid she is 97% of the time. (But please God, bring that kid back soon!) It's a good thing Layni and Mattias were relatively good or I would have lost it this weekend, I'm pretty sure :)

Today at church, Mattias heaves a big sigh and says, "I can't wait another three weeks." I'm going through my head thinking, "What's happening in three weeks? No birthdays, no holidays..." When I asked, he replied, "In three weeks, I turn into Spiderman." Can you tell who his favourite superhero is? "And I just can't wait!" I'm sure it was hard for Peter Parker too, buddy.

Well, with a nap this afternoon and the prospect of a good seven hours sleep tonight, I'm feeling more sane, calm and ready to face the week. Thanks for the prayers and good wishes that are going to get us all through... and pray that the EEG goes well tomorrow. Good night!

Losing My Mind

2008-04-12T21:50:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday night, I have a headache and I am losing my marbles between Lysa's INCESSANT whining and the freaking phones not working... I hate Marty's stupid internet phones! Okay, they may be cheaper, but I'd like to know if something happened, I would be able to call 911... not with these stupid, unreliable things that are constantly giving out as soon as I start a conversation! And Lysa... I get that you're sick, you're not feeling well, but you're killing me with the whining! I could handle screams and tears, but not this constant, grating whining for HOURS on end! She's had everything - medicine, different kinds of food, different kinds of music, cuddles, singing, DVDs, a long walk, drinks, books, exercise... and yet the sound continues. I had to shut her up in her room with a CD tonight for an hour while I gave the other two a bath; I could not handle it anymore... four extra-strength tylenol later, and I'm still going crazy. She whined for 3 hours NON-STOP last night from 11:30 PM - 2:30 AM... I AM SO TIRED AND FRUSTRATED!!! And Layni and Mattias, when together, even if they are being good, which doesn't often seem to be the case, are so freaking LOUD!!! This may sound terrible, but it will be such a relief this week when Mattias goes home tomorrow night... I just can't take all three kids like this at once. Jolie is losing her mind trying to get ready for Vancouver Fashion Week this week... making jewelery to sell, as well as for the models to wear, getting outfits ready for herself to wear Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday, getting all the gajillion details taken care of, and trying to prepare herself emotionally to gear up for all the socializing and networking she's going to have to do, which she's not comfortable with at all. I will be busy taking care of the kids this week as well as the house and helping her out with cleaning jewelery or whatever she needs. I'm hoping Layni and Lysa's grandparents will take them next weekend; that would help out so much. The thought of facing this week is so overwhelming, and I want to help Jolie out as much as I can because I know she's freaking out too. And the cherry on top is Elysa has an EEG on Monday so we have to keep her up until midnight tomorrow, wake her up at 5:00AM and keep her awake until her EEG at 1:00 PM, so I will have to sit in the back of the car on the drive to Children's Hospital to keep her awake while Jolie drives, and then try to settle her down because she's supposed to go to sleep for the EEG. Yeah, right. That's going to be awesome. Oh God, please let Lysa get completely well, and HELP HER TO STOP WHINING! Give Jolie and me strength and energy and a positive attitude this week, help the kids to be good, and by some miracle, let Marty be helpful, considerate, and supportive. Oh Lord, help us all, and grant Jolie success this week, please!

P.S.

2008-04-05T16:29:00.001-07:00

Thank God for disposable diapers and washing machines!!!

Reader Discretion Advised!

2008-04-05T15:48:00.000-07:00

If you get grossed out about bodily functions, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER!!!

One of the "side-effects" if you will, of Lysa's condition, is chronic constipation. We've battled it by loading her up with Wheetabix, keeping her well-hydrated through her G-tube, and by giving her the occasional suppository (hey, I warned you!), but nothing has been consistently effective. Last Monday, her pediatrician prescribed a medication to help combat the problem. Thank God for the G-tube, because this stuff smells like glue - I can't imagine anybody actually being able to drink it. Monday dose - nothing. Tuesday dose - nothing. Wednesday dose - nothing. Thursday dose - finally did the deed (after almost two weeks) but it was hard. Friday - gave her the dose and then checked her pants - okay, it's definitely working now - I think we can cut back on the dosage! Saturday - no dose needed as things are still moving along.

Saturday afternoon - just about to head out the door to see Layni break the board and get her green belt in Tae Kwon Do when...

POOP EXPLOSION!!!

The entire lower half of her was covered, from waist to feet... half a box of wipes and an emergency bath later, I think to myself,

"I missed Layni's promotion ceremony and a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese for this?

I am the best freaking nanny EVER!"

I hope everyone else had a cleaner, more fun afternoon than me... excuse me, I have to go disinfect myself again.

How Long...

2008-04-01T23:19:00.000-07:00

Jolie and I often wonder if, allowed to sleep for as long as we wanted, without any responsibilities or to-do lists or children hanging over our heads, how long would we actually sleep? She estimates five days, I estimate 14 hours, a few days in a row... there's just never enough time to do everything we have to do, the things we want to do, or to just catch up on sleep, sweet sleep. I'm sure many people feel that way! We came home this afternoon, and all four of us girls crashed for three hours. (It was supposed to be just an hour nap, but that didn't happen!)

I got up at 6:00 AM to get myself and everyone else ready to go downtown to Elysa's audiology appointment this morning. Traffic was horrible... I hate traffic! That's one of the best things about visiting New Brunswick... there, traffic is six cars lined up behind a tractor. Layni and I visited the gift shop, thrift store, Starbucks, and library while waiting for Jolie and Lysa. I got some "new" (old) Sesame Street books, my favourite being The Adventures of Super Grover. The truth is I'm the one who is the biggest kid of them all!

After Lysa was finished being tortured - she hates having anything touching her ears (just like Warren in There's Something About Mary) so when her screams penetrated through several closed doors to the waiting room, Layni jumped up, "That's my sister!" The other parents in the waiting room looked a little frightened... but I digress... After the torture was over, we headed to Stanley Park for a walk by the beach. It was a beautiful, sunny day, but that wind sure was cold - I was glad to have my mittens, but wished I'd brought a hat or earmuffs too. We loved watching the crows, ducks, swans, geese, and cranes, as well as the infamous Stanley Park squirrels, who were very frisky today... we watched three in particular chasing each other up and down a row of trees. It was a fun outing. Oh, there were tons of things we all could have and perhaps should have been doing, but sometimes you just have to seize the moment and enjoy it, or you'll always be doing the things you should be doing, and never enjoying life itself. It seems the older the kids get, the more appointments and activities and responsibilities there are, and not as much room for the impromptu adventures we used to have, so we have to take them when we can get them!

Of course, as I said before, we all came home and crashed, but I guess we all need to do that sometimes too. Okay, I need to get to bed - back on track tomorrow!

24 and Dollar Stores

2008-03-30T23:07:00.000-07:00

Today, I had a wonderful dollar store shopping spree with my friend Mona... we're very bad at enabling each other when it comes to dollar stores. But everything is only a dollar! Of course, it adds up fast, haha! I got some card-making stuff, some little things for the kids, a baby present for my friend... is it sad that I get so much joy from the dollar store? Hee hee!

The kids and I have watched a couple Disney movies lately, including "Enchanted", which feature a kiss or two between the characters. I always jokingly cover their eyes and say they're not allowed to watch. On the way home from church today, somehow the question came up, how old do you have to be to kiss a boy or a girl on the lips. Mattias said, "Zero!" and Layni said, "Twenty-four!" I asked her if she knew that all by herself or if mommy had told her that. She said she knew it all by herself, and I told her to remember that when she got older!

I enjoyed the gorgeous sunshine and warmer temperatures today... could it be that spring is coming and the bizarre episodes of hail and snow are over? I guess we'll wait five minutes and see!

I Love the Smurfs!

2008-03-29T23:07:00.000-07:00

Yes, I got Season 1 of the Smurfs this past week with my Future Shop gift certificate from my dear brothers at Christmas (along with a digital camera... yeah, they spoil me!) and I love it as much as I remembered! The kids are all addicted now too. I love how they replace half the nouns and verbs with the word smurf... and I love the classical music... and I love Smurfette trying to choose between a dozen dresses that all look exactly alike... classic. We will all be happily smurfing for weeks to come!

Dirty Dancing and Bible Study

2008-03-28T11:57:00.000-07:00

What, you are wondering, can these two things POSSIBLY have in common? I started a Bible study this morning with two dear friends. It is by a popular Bible study teacher called Beth Moore, and this is actually my third study of hers. She is from Texas, has the big hair and make-up and exuberant personality... none of which I really share, haha! And as I was watching the video this morning with my two friends, (it's an old Bible study, thus it's on a VHS tape, and you can tell by the hair and clothes too!) I found myself thinking of an incident from when I was probably about 12 or 13 years old.

We'd just gotten a VCR and it was a novel and exciting thing to rent a movie. (When did VCRs come out anyway? Needless to say, our family was never up to date with the times... the first and only computer we had for many years was a Commodore 64. And that is why I'm pretty much technologically illiterate.) My dad had gotten "The Boy Who Could Fly" and I was so upset: "I'm not a baby anymore, Dad!" So at my request, he rented "Dirty Dancing"... still a favourite of mine in all its delightful cheesiness. My mom came home from work just as Patrick Swayze was stripping off Jennifer Grey's shirt in his messy apartment... I can still remember the embarassment of my mom watching me watch it... I was squirming in self-consciousness, trying not to look over at my mom, wondering what she was thinking. (It totally ruined my enjoyment of the movie, by the way. Of course, I've made up for it by watching it several times over the years since!)

Funny that that should come to mind this morning, as I'm watching a woman passionately sharing the Word of God with us. Maybe it's because I'm Canadian, or because of the kind of churches I've attended, or maybe it's because of the way my family is. We're not demonstrative people. We don't hug and kiss and make a big fuss over things, whether good or bad. It just seems kind of embarassing to show too much emotion, too much enthusiasm, to let it all hang out there. And so as much as I enjoy Beth Moore, she kind of makes me uncomfortable too... she challenges me. I get excited about things like the new "Sex and the City" movie coming out in May, I get excited about new revelations and character development on "Lost" every week, I get excited about anything whatsoever having to do with books. Granted, I pretty much share my excitement only with those closest to me, who I don't feel embarassed to squeal and gush in front of about silly things like that... or here in writing, where my squeals aren't so loud and annoying, haha! But why don't I get that excited about the Word of God? Or why am I embarassed about people who do? The title of the study we're doing is "Breaking Free"... I think it's very appropriate for me! I need to break free from my own inhibitions, from worrying what other people think of me, from my myriad fears that control me and hold me back. Yes, I think God brought this study into my life for a reason, and I'm praying I have the courage and discipline to stick it out, and learn what He wants to teach me... and not be embarassed by it!

And...

2008-03-25T00:35:00.000-07:00

Lent is over! My first fun purchase was $1.29 today at Michaels... I got Layni two suncatchers to paint and a heart paper embosser. Oh, how I missed sales! And buying presents! I stuck them into Layni's Easter basket and pretended that she hadn't looked closely enough at all her goodies... haha, mind games! Then I went to Chapters and bought two books - one a present (it is my greatest weakness!) and another in a series by one of my favourite Christian writers, Karen Kingsbury. Tomorrow, I'm hoping to get to Future Shop to get Season 1 of Smurfs, so I can introduce the kids to the joy of little blue people. And the greatest thing is, I still have gift certificates from Christmas, so I'm not even spending any money!

HE IS RISEN! HALLELUJAH!

2008-03-25T00:17:00.000-07:00

I know it's now technically Tuesday, but I still wanted to say it... the tomb is empty, Jesus is alive, and we have so much to celebrate!

I was looking forward to celebrating Easter at church with that wonderful, triumphant resurrection music... especially the Hallelujah chorus - but Lysa was not cooperating. When I brought her a few weeks ago, she had a great time, enjoyed the music and was very social. Not this Sunday though! We just got seated when she let loose with that "I am inconsolable" howling cry that was drowning out the entire choir! We snuck out through the kitchen and I tried to calm her down, hoping we could soon sneak back in... but for whatever reason, she was having none of it. We ended up spending the service in the nursery, where she had all the little ones crying along with her at one point. She calmed down a bit with constant singing and some snacking, but really she just wanted to get home. It could have been a combination of her bowels being "irregular" the past week, her other front tooth coming in or maybe she just missed cuddling and playing with mommy, who she barely saw all week. (Stupid Foggy Dew... GRRR!!!) But Layni had a great time being part of the balloon parade and singing with her friends in front of the whole church... she is a total ham. And I have to praise God that the pouring rain stopped before it was time for us to walk to and from church!

So Easter Sunday wasn't quite what I expected, but we still had a happy Easter nonetheless. I can't believe one more day, and spring break is over! It wasn't quite what we were planning either, but the girls spent some fun time with their dad's side of the family, and we had lots of fun doing crafts, playing games, watching movies, reading books (we're still addicted to Geronimo Stilton), and going for walks. And now, I've really got to get to bed so I have enough energy to keep up with the kids tomorrow!

It's Never Too Early to Celebrate!

2008-03-22T23:00:00.000-07:00

Last night after Jolie got home from work, we dyed eggs with the kids. My favourite was one on which Layni drew a yellow sunshine with crayon and dyed blue... it was so vibrant! After getting the kids to bed, Jolie and I hid the eggs and candy. Jolie cracks me up, because she took Layni's leftover candy from Valentine's Day and hid it... the kids never even noticed - that's how much attention they pay!

I got up early this morning to hide the baskets outside... that Easter bunny really gets around. We did the festivities today, as Mattias had to go home early this afternoon since it's his mom's year to spend Easter with him. The kids had a great time, and got mostly crafts this year instead of candy. When we were cleaning the girls' room a couple weeks ago, we found Layni's chocolate Dora the Explorer in the back of their closet from last year... Marty had a taste, but even he couldn't bring himself to eat it!

After Jolie went to work, we cracked open the fun and games from the dollar store. They had "fossils" which they had to excavate to find the buried treasure... $2.00 each at the dollar store, but it kept them busy for an hour, and after finding the charms inside, they took the coloured sand they had chipped off and put it in their sandbox to play with. We played "Go Spidey" with Mattias' Spider-man cards and Bingo, Layni coloured her dress-up girl magnet set, and Lysa grooved along with her Four Square DVDs. This afternoon, the girls and I went for a walk and got some baking supplies as well as the Enchanted DVD, which we watched with Jolie tonight... I love that movie!

The girls and I will be going to church in the morning to celebrate our risen Saviour with our church family... I'm sure Lysa will go crazy with the exciting music! And tomorrow night, Jolie will finally be done her day shifts of doom. Monday is dinner with Marty's family and then Wednesday will be back to school for the girls... wow, the time flew by fast! It always does.

Happy Easter to you all, dear friends. May God bless you and your families richly!

Good Friday - The Ultimate Sacrifice of a Saviour

2008-03-21T12:24:00.000-07:00

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

John 3:16

This is probably the most famous verse in the Bible (though Psalm 23 is right up there) and pretty much sums it all up. I'm so grateful that when our hearts are breaking, and we can't formulate thoughts or summon words, that we can just sob at the feet of our Saviour and He understands. He will pick us up out of our pit of sin and shortcomings, pain and despair, and hold us in His loving arms. I couldn't make it through one day without my Saviour. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You for all the pain You suffered on my behalf, thank You for making the ultimate sacrifice because You loved me so much... I can't even begin to fathom it. My meager gratefulness doesn't come close to what You deserve. All I can do is offer You my broken self and say thank You.

Miscellaneous Tidbits from the Last Couple Weeks

2008-03-20T14:20:00.000-07:00

*** A couple weeks ago, a group of women from my church went to a Beth Moore conference, and it was WONDERFUL! I went to the Women of Faith conference a couple years ago, and it was fantastic, but it was more Christian inspirational speakers, while Beth Moore is a hardcore Bible teacher. The main Scripture we studied (and memorized... and I suck at memorizing things!) was from Hebrews 4:12-13. "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to divide soul and spirit, joints and marrow. It judges (or discerns) the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight." I had just been saying how I needed some inspiration in my life, and I found some there in her encouraging and challenging message. I also really enjoyed getting to know some of the ladies from my church better. And I realized how "old" I am, that the wonderful praise and worship band gave me a giant headache... they were great, but I found it so loud - I would never survive a rock concert!

*** Lysa went with Layni and me to church one Sunday morning, and it was wonderful to see how far she's come. When she was younger, she couldn't bear any outside stimulation... she would freak out if there was anyone other than Jolie, myself or Layni around... it would take her an hour or two to adjust to even people she saw on a semi-regular basis, like her grandparents or pediatric nurse. When she started school, going to assemblies in the gymnasium was very difficult... all the noise, the acoustics, so much going on... but now she generally does very well, and is excited to be there. In fact last week, she received an award in front of the whole school for "Demonstrating excellent effort and progress in her communication skills." She waves hello and good-bye, says "uh" for "up" (like I want to get up out of my chair or I went to get up and go for a walk), says "La-nee" for Layni, meows with Jake, and is currently trying to say "cookie"... She taps her left hand for yes and shakes her head for no (though she often likes to shake her head "No!" as a joke!) and uses a big mack button with recorded messages which she can hit with her hand to "talk"... Like when someone is reading a book, she can hit the button to say, "Turn the page." At church, she LOVES the music, and when it's relatively quiet when Pastor Doug is preaching the sermon, she'll "yell"... but she's so cute, she can get away with it. She loves to kick and dance... I am just so proud of her, and she brings so much joy to all of us!

*** I got bookshelves! Marty got me three tall bookshelves from Ikea, so two of my old short ones went into the girls' room to help them get organized, and finally all of my books are off the floor and on shelves... well, except the ones in storage. I have a LOT of books... they're my addiction. And to be honest, I'll probably need to get another bookshelf sooner than later, even though I have four tall ones, and one short one in my room. As Layni says, I've got my own library! (So if you ever need a book to read, come on over!) I tell Marty it's like Jolie collecting shoes or him with his computer stuff... mine just takes up more room! Oh, I do LOVE books... now if I only had time to read them all!

*** Dancing with the Stars is back! It's fun for the whole family! Even Marty will watch to see Edyta dance - his Polish princess, hee hee. Who's smoking hot. Unfortunately for Jolie and me, our favourite Maks, (who's smoking hot!) is taking a break this season... boo hoo hoo!

*** The girls went to their grandparents for the past couple days of spring break so we adults have had the past couple days off. We always have the best intentions of all the things we will do and accomplish without little people running around, but we end up mostly vegging out and enjoying the peace and quiet. Sleeping in, staying up late, hanging out together... Tuesday night, we went to see "Semi-Pro", starring Will Ferrell. I think it's the first time in the two and a half years since Marty came into our lives, that we have all been out together... wow! It was a silly movie but we enjoyed it... it's always more fun when you're with people, and you enjoy laughing at them laugh as much as what they're laughing at! And Jolie and Marty are hilarious together, because they're so opposite in so many ways, that I laugh my head off at Marty looking at Jolie, with a look on his face, "Why are you laughing? That's not funny... you're so weird!" and Jolie laughing even harder.

*** Went to see "Definitely, Maybe" last night with a friend... Wow! I was out two nights in a row! I'm NEVER out at night, period! It was a cute movie and we had coffee and chatted for a long time afterwards... it was a great night out.

*** I've been struggling with being so tired and unmotivated and stressed out and overwhelmed. Sometimes it's hard to have grace for myself, and say maybe you need more rest right now, or to do some fun things, and take care of yourself. I feel like I should be doing all these things and not being so "lazy" or whatever... I am so blessed to have supportive, loving friends who encourage me through the tough times. Thank you guys!

*** Last Sunday at church, several people were baptized and shared what God had done in their lives. I saw one friend, who I've been praying for for years and wondered if he would ever change, get up there and testify to what God has done in his life, and you can see he is a different person... and moments like that, you're like "Wow... God, You are so good and faithful, even when we doubt You... Thank You, Jesus!!!" It was an amazing and wonderful day, and as much as we were celebrating in our church on Sunday, I imagine that the celebration in heaven was even greater! It makes me think of when Jesus said, (in Luke 15:7) "I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent" and later in verse 10, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."

Well, I've only got a couple hours before all the kids are here, so I should go enjoy the last bit of peace and quiet before this crazy weekend starts!

Stressed...

2008-03-19T01:40:00.000-07:00

It's 1:40 AM and I should be in bed. I've been so stressed out lately... thank God I got my mouth guard fixed and Hallelujah! for only $35... because I don't think I'd have any teeth left by now. There have been a lot of good things going on, but I am just physically and mentally not doing the best right now... I'm too tired to blog about anything, but pray for me please!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2008-03-18T00:20:00.000-07:00

Technically, it's over, as it is 12:20 AM, but I'm sure Marty and Jolie are still working hard at the Foggy Dew, and I've just finished cleaning the kitchen after making - from scratch, thank you very much! - whoopie pies... the chocolate cake-cookies with the frosting in the middle. They never turn out as good as my mom's, but they've got chocolate and frosting, so really, they can never be that bad!

I'm including another excerpt from my best friend in NB's blog about one of our crazy adventures in high school. We have had so many great, ridiculous, fun times together!

Today (Saint Patrick's Day) reminded me why it is important for us, as Christians, not to "write off" even minor religious holidays... especially when they've virtually been appropriated entirely by the secular world. Much can be said by the way we celebrate.

To give a concrete example, during high school (when some whom I know and love were trying to alienate as many people as possible... I'm not naming names...) my best friend and I took great delight in celebrating even obscure holidays (I'll never forget the joy of Waitangi Day!). But whenever a recognised semi-religious holiday came round (one that most people wouldn't know had any faith component, despite the "Saint" at the beginning of the holiday's title), we used it for our covert evangelistic operation.

It went something like this. We bake TONS of cookies in a fun shape (shamrocks, one Saint Patrick's Day, with green frosting, of course), divided them up, and took them with us to all our classes, asked to be allowed to hand out one to each person there (this offer was NEVER refused) and if we could tell the history of the holiday. Almost inevitably we were accepted on this second offer as well - we were telling a free history lesson, after all!

Naturally, in telling our stories, somehow the Gospel just "slipped" out!!! Which isn't surprising when you're talking about Saints and Martyrs. Since the mini-sermon happened to be combined with a history lesson and a yummy cookie, nobody ever complained. In fact, we were complimented on the cookies and frequently told something like, "Oh I never knew that! So there really was some dude named Valentine?"

It's really amazing when you see someone who lives a distinctly un-Christian lifestyle, thinks morals are things of the past, and listens to music that would have instantly gone in the fire had I even considered bringing it home to listen to, come up and ask, "Can I get one of those things you were giving out?" He was refering to candy canes with attached little tracts that had a Bible verse relating somehow to Jesus' birth, which we had been given in bulk by our local Protestant nuns (yes, they exist - and so do Protestant monks). We had dressed up as elves, itchy tinsel and all, and handed them out, but had run out of the candy canes, and told him so. But he still wanted his own little Christmas verse!!!

Just don't let the pagans who have tried to suck all of the faith-basis out of our holidays have all the fun! And never, ever, ever let them forget (insofar as you are able) that there is a reason for and an history of the holiday, and that perhaps they should let a little of that reason speak to the way they choose to celebrate it.

It's funny, because I was thinking today of the ridiculous reasons we found to celebrate... like the 3 month anniversary of the day the Queen's birthday is celebrated in New Zealand... really, you can find something to celebrate every day of your life! And I remember one year in high school, my best friend helped me elaborately celebrate my "un-birthday" in February... it's one of those things you can celebrate every day of the year except one! Alisha, we have so many amazing memories together, and I love you to bits!

AND....

2008-03-15T12:51:00.000-07:00

Of course, Marty is working the opposite night shifts, so they basically won't get to see each other or spend any time at all as a family! As a Christian, Easter's primary focus for me is the celebration of the death and resurrection of my Saviour, but I want to celebrate that with ALL my family, even though that may not be their primary reason for celebrating... and I don't think Jesus would be offended by that desire or feel it takes away from His glory... but alas, we don't get to do that this year in the way we wanted... it will have to be squished in between time at a freaking bar... GRRRRR!!!!

I HATE JOLIE'S JOB!!!!

2008-03-15T12:15:00.000-07:00

I know in the scheme of things, with wars and diseases and natural disasters, it's not that big a deal, but it's a big deal to us, that Jolie doesn't get to spend Easter and half of spring break with her children! There were two bartenders who were supposed to have dayshifts before her, but they decided they wanted to take the long weekend off and management decided that was fine, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS THEIR TURN TO WORK! And did they schedule someone who doesn't have kids on Easter weekend? NO!!! They totally suck, and it's just another blaring example of why Jolie wants to get out of this freaking bar!!! And not just Friday, Saturday and Sunday day shifts but an extra Thursday one thrown in too as well as Monday night because it's St. Patrick's Day... while she, a single mother, has her kids off on Spring Break... and we have Mattias all weekend... and did I mention it's Easter?! So now, her mom's not coming to visit, and we have to get up at the crack of dawn so we can have an Easter celebration with the entire family before she has to go to work. I am so annoyed and angry... GRRRR!!!

Blast From the Past

2008-03-14T01:51:00.000-07:00

Tonight, as I popped popcorn to munch while watching The Devil Wears Prada, a song we used to sing at Circle Square Ranch popped into my head... I probably haven't thought of this song in ten years...

I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be a casual Christian,
I don't wanna live, I don't wanna live a lukewarm life.
I just wanna light up the night with an everlasting light,
I don't wanna live a casual Christian life.

It killed me to type out wanna instead of want to, but it does sound better when singing it! Anyway, it just reminded me of how I want to live. I know I suck at it a lot of the time... I watch too much TV instead of devouring God's Word, I make more time to read than to pray, I want to be comfortable and happy more than doing what God says is right and should be my priority... but I want to want Jesus more than anything... I want to slowly but steadily become more like Him, have more of an eternal perspective instead of just worrying about the here and now, grow in my faith and integrate it into my everyday life, whether I'm going to the movies or volunteering in the church nursery or giving the kids their baths or going on a shopping spree at the dollar store (see, that doesn't sound very holy at all... can you have a holy shopping spree? Hmmm....) Jesus says in Revelation 4:16, "So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth." You know, I agree with my mom that unless you're brushing your teeth, spitting is gross... I don't want to make Jesus want to spit me out... I don't want to be a casual Christian. I want to live what I believe... even the hard parts.

I Love My Niece!

2008-03-11T23:48:00.000-07:00

This is a hilarious story from my best friend's blog... my niece is adorable!

One of the things about being a Christian and about homeschooling is that you don't have to worry as much about things like Santa Claus and the Easter bunny. If you want your children to "believe" in them, then you can tell them all of the myths and fables associated with those seasons, but if you're like us, and don't want your children to truly "believe" in the existence of a large, hairy man, who is constantly spying on you, breaking and entering into your home yearly, but at the same time you don't want him/her to lose out on the fun that is associated with those beliefs, you can tell them the truth from the get-go (Ella has never thought that there was a "real" Santa Claus now, though she knows that there was a real Saint Nicholas) and then, with a wink and a nod, play along with the fables. For example, this past Christmas, depending on what we were doing, we would "be" Santa Claus (Ella'd be an elf), while getting presents ready, while wrapping, etc. She knew that Mummy and Daddy are "Santa Claus" for her, and that Mummy and she are "Santa Claus" for Daddy, and that Daddy and she are "Santa Claus" for Mummy. Rather than taking away from the magic of Christmas, this adds a whole dimension to our giving; it brings out our imaginations (can you imagine me "sitting" on Ella's lap, while she wears the Santa hat and says in as deep a voice as she can muster, "Ho Ho Ho... Now what do you want for Christmas, Mummy?"). I've never regretted the decision to tell my child the truth.

As for the Easter bunny. She knows that Mummy and Daddy play Easter bunny the night before Easter so that when she wakes up the "Easter bunny" (*wink* *wink* *nod* *nod*) has left chocolate eggs all over. But even though we play along with this, evidently she doesn't know that everyone else does too!

So, we're standing in line at Tim Horton's - me for my medium coffee one cream, and Ella for a milk and doughnut with "sprinklies". It's a long line up, and as usual, Ella is smiling at everyone. The lady who is in front of us smiles back and strikes up a conversation with Ella.

"Are you excited about Easter?"

"Yes!" says Ella. She knows Easter is when we celebrate that Jesus came to life again. We have lots of fun at church, and we sing and dance, and shout, and eat chocolate! What's not to love?

"And who is coming in three weeks?" the lady asks.

Ella doesn't get it. She looks at the lady, obviously confused. Was someone coming for Easter? Auntie Janis? No, Auntie Janis wasn't coming until Ella's birthday. Well, who is it then?

"He'll be bringing you yummy chocolate!" the lady continues. Ella still doesn't know who it is, though she loves the idea of chocolate...

"He'll be going *hop* *hop* *hop*!" the lady adds, doing little hops each time.

We haven't gotten around to talking about the Easter bunny yet this year. Other Easter stuff, yes, but bunnies, no. It's so obvious that Ella is reaching for an answer that just isn't there. So the kind lady helps a little bit more...

"It's the Eeeeaaaster...." she says, pausing.

And enlightenment dawns! Ella's GOT it! She knows who's coming. "The Easter KANGAROO!!!!" she calls out, triumphant!

The entire store - that was watching this exchange with interest - burst out laughing!

I assured Ella that this year the Australians were getting in on the act, and that the Easter kangaroo would be helping the Easter bunny on his/her rounds. (I didn't tell the entire store - just Ella - that Daddy would be one and Mummy would be the other and we would go hopping around the house hiding eggs the night before Easter!)

I Loved This! She's So Right!

2008-03-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

This is an excerpt from Beth Moore's blog:

Yesterday I was with somebody I love who was describing frustration over not being able to get a breakthrough in a work matter. I've been in on it for a while so I knew it had been hard and I was searching for encouraging things to say that weren't just the usuals that we turn to when we don't know what to say. I reached out my hands toward the loved one's hands and said, "Let's pray about it right this minute." And we did. We had no more than said, "In Jesus' Name, Amen," then the telephone rang. It was the call the person had been waiting for and the breakthrough came. The phone call lasted some time so I just kept praying and even doing a few little thank You dances. When the loved one got off the phone, I said, "Can you believe that? That was the Lord!"

To which my loved one said, "You're probably right."

"No," I said, "there's no 'probably' to it! That was the Lord! I mean, did you see that timing??"

The person nodded and said, "Sure may have been!

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "SURE MAY HAVE BEEN"?? Are you stinking kidding me? (I didn't say all that part.)

"But you've gotta give Him His glory!" (I did say that.) Or what compels Him the next time when He didn't get any credit the last time? (Didn't exactly say that.)

Girls, listen. GIVE GOD HIS GLORY! When He does something for you, don't sit there and wonder if that may have been Him. GIVE HIM SOME GLORY!! Jump up and down about it. Get excited about it! I don't know about you, but I want God to ENJOY doing some things for me. I want Him to think I'm fun to get a reaction out of. I want to dang well NOTICE. Can you imagine when we thank Him for something that He's up there on His Throne shrugging His shoulders and saying, "I'm not sure what you're talking about. I didn't have anything to do with that"? Does Phil. 2:13 not say that God works in us to will and to act according to His good purpose? Ain't no doubt, Girlfriend. It is GOD.

"Many, O Lord my God, are Your wonderful works which You have done!" Ps. 40:5

"I am the Lord; that is My Name! I will not give My glory to another or My praise to idols...Let them give glory to the Lord and proclaim His praise...!" Is. 42:8,12

I bolded my favourite part... I love the idea of God getting a kick out of doing something for us to see our reaction... I never thought about it that way... I want to overcome my naturally conservative, cautious, questioning nature and see God's answers to my prayers and celebrate them and make Him laugh with my delight! It doesn't seem fair to ask You to help me with that, Lord, but You know I need Your help... grow my faith, remind to be thankful and joyful and excited about what You're doing... help me to make You laugh in joy!

My Lenten Journey

2008-03-07T10:37:00.000-08:00

"The purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer—through prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial—for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of the Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ."
- Wikipedia

I haven't always given up something for Lent (from Ash Wednesday until Easter), but in the past I have given up McDonalds (I remember Jolie tempting me by saying, "One little meal won't hurt!"), Coke (we had a lot of Sprite cans in the recycling for a couple of months... I am a total Coke addict, I confess), and chocolate (my resolve was tested mightily when Krista did a cake-decorating demonstration at Women's Connections with chocolate cupcakes shortly after Lent began... too cruel!).

This year, we started a Beth Moore Bible study on the book of Daniel. The first half focused on living with integrity in a "Babylonian" culture - a culture that is self-centred, self-indulgent, excessive... you're getting the idea? The Babylonian "motto" can be found in Isaiah 47:8 and 10 - "I am, and there is no one besides me." In the first chapter, Daniel and his friends, devout Jews who have been taken into captivity by the conquering Babylonians (there is so much fascinating history in this book of the Bible!), refuse to defile themselves by indulging in the rich foods of the king's table that aren't "kosher." It's a DVD led Bible study, so Beth encouraged us, if we wanted to, to give up "rich meats" for the first half of the study (the second half, which we're now on, focuses on prophecy and the study of the end-times). Now, if I gave up rich meats, I really wouldn't be giving up anything at all; even if I gave up all meat, it wouldn't be much of a sacrifice. Other people gave up different things, which represented the idea of our Babylonian culture to them... like wearing jewelery, for example.

I'd had an idea rattling around in my head for awhile... I was thinking of a one week fast from this... not a 46 day fast. But God put it on my heart, so here I am 31 days later (wow, I've made it a whole month!) on my shopping fast. Yes, folks, I gave up shopping for Lent!

I thought about it a lot, because when I make a commitment, I keep it, and I wanted to make sure that I could keep this one. I really didn't want to do it... but if Jesus could die on a cross to pay the price for my sins, if He can put up with all my crap and love me anyway, then surely I can do this tiny thing in honour of Him. My ground rules are I'm not allowed to buy stuff, except for food and necessities (like shampoo, soap, medication etc. but only what I immediately need). I'm still allowed to go to the movies or rent a video... to do things, just not accumulate stuff (and I'm allowed chocolate - it falls under the food category, because giving up shopping was a big enough sacrifice for Lent!).

My biggest weaknesses are: books, card-making stuff, and presents for people, especially combining any of those things with the dollar store or a good sale - I'm cheap, haha! Oh, and I really love my DVDs too... those are the things I have a really hard time saying no to. The absolutely hardest one out of all those is not buying presents for people... picking up little things at the dollar store that I know would make someone smile, or finding a good sale and stocking up for Christmas. The second hardest would be books... I am such an addict! I own so many books that I haven't had time to read yet, I pick up more at the public and church libraries or borrow them from friends, and I always find something in the bargain books section of Chapters... I am truly an addict. I love the smell of them, the look of them, and yes, actually reading them too! It's like breathing for me... I can't imagine not having at least one book on the go!

15 1/2 more days to go! I actually dream about shopping... I'm in a thrift store or the dollar store and almost buy something and then realize, "I can't!" So far, I've managed to be faithful even in my dreams! So what has this experience given me? Well, it's been a good exercise in discipline... God knows, NOT my strong point! It's shown me how much stuff I have already... I need to use what I have or clean out, before I accumulate more. It's teaching me to think twice before I buy... a lesson that will hopefully carry over into my post-Lent life :) It's helping me to pay off my bills from Christmas, instead of spending even more. It's teaching me that too often I find my security or satisfaction in money and the things I buy, instead of simply Jesus.

In conclusion, I think it's been really good for me, but I confess, I'm really looking forward to the first big dollar store trip with my friend Mona after Easter... am I terrible?!

I Love...

2008-03-04T21:44:00.000-08:00

... how Layni invites everyone to lunch after church on Sunday mornings. Not just the families with kids her own age... families with younger kids, families with teenagers, older ladies, middle-age single dads, young single women... it matters not to her. She considers them all friends that she would love to eat and chat with! I love how confident she is and how safe she feels. When I was her age, I was terrified of people, even my own extended family members... I hid in my room when anyone came to our house, and was terrified if I had to leave the safety of my room to go to the bathroom (which was next door, but since we had such a small, open house, it was visible to both the kitchen and living room). I hope she always has that confidence and that unconditional, accepting love of everyone. When we grow older, we tend to limit ourselves, thinking I have to be friends with people my age, or people who are married (or single) like me, or who have kids (or don't have kids) like me, who have my educational/social/cultural/ethnic/religious/economic/geographical background. We limit ourselves so much, and in the process, deny ourselves so much! My biggest problem is my shyness or feeling like I'm not "good enough" or "cool enough" or "smart enough" to be someone's friend... yes, I STILL struggle with that, though I've gotten A LOT better! My best friend could testify that I was almost a mute, completely introverted recluse when she first met me (much to her frustration!) in Grade 7... God has brought me a LONG way since then, THANK YOU JESUS! Please keep working on me and take away my fears, so that I can show people all the love in my heart - the love that I know, thanks to You!

You Love the World (and you're avoiding Me)

2008-03-03T22:27:00.000-08:00

I took a Keith Green CD that I haven't listened to in awhile (though he's one of my favourite singer/songwriters) to listen to at the gym today. This song jumped out at me. I so often get distracted by the things of this world. I love movies, books, magazines, music, TV shows (and not necessarily "Christian" ones either). These things aren't necessarily bad, but I shouldn't be letting them get in the way of my relationship with Jesus. He should be my Number One, and sadly, He often isn't.

I want you here with Me.
But you've been keeping other company.
You can't sit still, it's plain to see.
You love the world and you're avoiding Me.

My word sits there upon your desk.
But you love your books and magazines the best.
Prefer the light of your TV.
You love the world, and you're avoiding Me.

You used to pray, you were so brave.
Now you can't keep even one appointment we've made.
Oh I gave My blood, to save your life.
Tell me, tell me, is it right?
Will you leave Me here alone again tonight?

Well I love you, still more and more.
But you're fighting everything I'm working for.
You're acting like My enemy.
You love the world and you're avoiding Me.

These other loves, they're hurting you.
If you end up losing Me, then what will you do?
Oh, I gave My blood, to save your life.
Tell me, tell me, is it right?
Will you leave Me here alone again tonight?

Well, I want you, here with Me.
But you've been keeping other company.
Prefer the light of your TV.
You love the world, and you're avoiding Me.
You love the world, you love the world,
You love the world and you're avoiding Me.
Oh, you love the world.
You love the world and you're avoiding Me.

Jesus, forgive me. After all You've done for me, all the mercy and grace You've poured out on me again and again, and I so often treat You like crap. I'm sorry, Lord. To be honest, I'll probably do it again and again, but please don't give up on me. Give me a kick in the ass when I need it, because I want to want You more than anything else in the world, and I'm hoping someday it won't be the everyday struggle it is for me now. Thank You, Jesus, for loving me even when I'm unloveable. Teach me to love like You.

Little White House

2008-02-25T22:15:00.000-08:00

I've been struggling lately with being tired and unmotivated... feeling Blah, even with all this beautiful sunshine. It's hard to get up in the mornings and get going. I just feel like I need some inspiration in my life or something. Anyway, I'm thankful for friends and sunshine, walks in nature and cuddles with the kids, fun stories to read and music to sing along with... all the little things that mean so much and make the days worth it all.

Today, Jolie, Marty and I went for an impromptu adventure in Fort Langley. I love that place! I wish we had more time to savour all the beauty and atmosphere it holds, but even the little tastes we get are so refreshing. One of my favourite places is the Little White House. It's funny because I'm not really inspired to BUY anything that's sold there, but I love wandering through, admiring the furnishings and build of the place, the sunshine streaming through the windows and all the old-fashioned beauty of the building. It reminds me of my grandmother's house and all those old houses that have so much character and beauty... nothing modern compares... I can't even begin to explain it. I told Jolie, "Wouldn't you love to plop this house in the middle of several acres of land and live happily ever after?" Marty thinks we're crazy - he was getting seasick from the slant of the floors, but Jolie and I have similar tastes in loving old things with character and history. We often joke (though only half-kidding) that we were born in the wrong era... though let me say, I will always be pro-indoor plumbing and hot showers! It's fun to dream of living in such a beautiful house or owning some of the gorgeous antiques sold in all the treasure troves in Fort Langley. I never anticipate having that, but it's still wonderful to know such beauty exists and to enjoy its existence in the world, even though it's not "mine" - the idea or dream is free!

I don't even know if that all made sense, but it was a fun day. We stopped at the old-fashioned diner there for lunch... Jolie and Marty are a hilarious couple when they're not fighting ;) Tonight, we watched Ratatouille, which was a delightful movie. And now, it's time for bed!

Check Out This Blog!

2008-02-20T21:17:00.000-08:00

I am pleased to announce that Jolie has jumped on the blogging train! Behind the Bead chronicles her adventures in starting up her jewelery business. It captures her sense of humour and style, and allows you a glimpse into the mind of this fascinating woman, as well as the opportunity to ogle her beautiful designs. Check it out at www.joliemack.blogspot.com and invite your friends as well. You have Jolie's blessing to link it to your own blog or facebook page... she wants to get the word out!

I Am Rich... in Friends and Family!

2008-02-16T22:12:00.000-08:00

Tonight, I went to "Leland Klassen's Comedy Tournament" at our church. Okay, first of all, what a gift to get out on a Saturday night! The girls are visiting their grandparents this weekend, and Marty worked day shifts this weekend and got home early enough tonight so I could go. It was great to get out, see friends and laugh. But I was also completely shocked when a friend paid for the ticket... what a wonderful surprise! Earlier today, another friend treated me to coffee... well, in my case, cranberry juice and a chocolate chip cookie! Another friend surprised me with some scrapbooking supplies and chocolates last week. When I had my birthday breakfast last year, I could not believe how spoiled I was with goodies... but all these surprises lately have been for no particular reason.

Let me tell you, God has brought me a LONG way to be able to accept this amazing love. For so many years I was consumed with self-hatred... I thought I didn't deserve anything good... and that if people really knew me, they would hate me too. I was terrified to let anyone get close to me, sure that they would hurt me and that I would deserve it. Even after God brought me out of the pit of self-hatred and self-destruction, I still didn't feel "worthy" of love. Yes, I'm okay I realized, but I don't deserve to be treated REALLY well. I loved to lavish love and presents on other people, but couldn't accept it for myself. Now, my initial reaction is, "Why are you being so wonderful to me?" And I catch myself starting to think, "I don't deserve it..." But then I think, that's how God loves us. We don't usually "deserve" it... so often we treat Him like crap or entirely ignore Him, but He still loves us unconditionally, lavishly, always showing us, trying to woo us to Himself...

I may never be a millionaire but I am SO rich in the people who love me and who I love, and in God's amazing love and grace. How can I be anything but eternally grateful? So thank You, God, for You, and for all the wonderful people You've brought into my life, and thank you to all my family and friends... I love you!

Tidbits From and About the Kids

2008-02-15T18:35:00.000-08:00

One night, I was climbing up onto the top of the bunk bed to read Geronimo Stilton with Layni before bed when she asks me, "Janis, when are you going to get a job?" I get so little respect ;)

Lysa is getting to do lots of fun new stuff at school. One day, she went bowling. They have a special slide that goes from the top of her wheelchair and curves down to the floor and all she has to do is push the ball (with a little help from her SEA) and the momentum takes it down to (hopefully!) hit some pins. I heard she had a great time once she got used to the new noises and atmosphere of a different environment. Mattias just wanted to know if she won!

One Sunday after church when we went to McDonalds, Mattias came out of the play area with tears welling up in his eyes and a pout on his face. "Layni was hitting me!" Layni soon came out and when asked if she had been hitting Mattias, responded, "Well, I was hitting him NICELY... more like patting really."

Today, Mattias wanted me to play video games with him, so we put on Curious George. He was having trouble getting past a difficult section and begged me to help him. "Well, I don't know how much help I'll be, but I'll try." (I am infamously bad at video games.) Less than a minute later, he gently took the controls from my hands and said, "Janis, let me help you."

Attention Ladies... Tell Your Friends and Husbands Too!

2008-02-12T14:30:00.000-08:00

Jolie will have a table at Gallagher's Cafe (at 232 Newport Drive in Newport Village) filled with her beautiful creations for sale tomorrow, Wednesday February 13th, from 1:00 - 5:00 PM. Check out her gorgeous designs at www.joliemack.com and/or bring a friend and see them in person tomorrow... or send your husbands to do some Valentine's Day shopping! Support a hard-working, single mom who's trying to escape the bar scene... she deserves it!

Bird Poop Theories, courtesy of Mattias

2008-02-06T16:07:00.000-08:00

On Sunday, as we were waiting at a crosswalk on our way to McDonalds after church, I suddenly felt this big splash of liquid on the sleeve of my jacket. At first, I thought it was dripping water from a tree overhead, but there was far too much of it for that, and it was a milky colour. Turns out there was a crow sitting on the light post above us, who got me and Layni good. It was in Layni's hair and down the sleeve of her coat. Mattias, in the stroller, got off scot-free. Well, I just burst out laughing and Layni was soon joining in; for some reason, this struck us as hysterically funny... the fact that neither one of us got it in the face probably helped :)

The next day, Mattias says to me, "Janis, I think I know why the bird pooped on you and Layni and not on me. Maybe it's because Jo yells at the crows when she puts the peanuts out (for the squirrels) and so they don't like girls."

That's a pretty good theory from a four year old!

Blessing

2008-02-06T15:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Jesus,
Bless the person who stole my umbrella today. I wouldn't mind so much if it had been the red one or green one or one of the black ones, but it was my blue one with the happy faces that cheered me up on dark, rainy days. And I know it's sort of ridiculous to complain about this, but it was just so sneaky and rude! I guess, that's pretty much a part of stealing anything, but still... thank you that when I came out of the library, it was snowing instead of pouring rain, so that I didn't get quite as soaked one the way home. And the snow is really pretty too. I probably wouldn't feel as unforgiving if it was someone who really needed an umbrella, rather than someone who was just being a jerk. I hope they don't just throw it away on the side of the road either... they stole my favourite umbrella, so they better appreciate it! God, I don't know who did it, but whoever it was, I pray that you would bless them, and that instead of just stealing an umbrella, they stole a blessing too. I pray that You would keep them warm and dry, and fill their lives with smiles. I pray most of all that they would know Your love and forgiveness and grace, and that it would set them free, so they can be a blessing to others. I pray that one day in heaven, I will meet the person who stole my umbrella, and we can exchange hugs and stories and praise Your name together forever. I pray this, Jesus, in Your precious and all-powerful name, amen.

Random Thoughts on a Monday Night...

2008-02-04T22:52:00.000-08:00

Well, poor Lysa has been off from school for a week. Every time we think she's getting over it (whatever "it" is exactly), she wakes up again with a fever. Jolie took her to the doctor today and he's guessing it may be a particle of food that went down the wrong tube and ended up in her lungs, where it's getting infected. She's on a short term antibiotic, and hopefully that will help her recover quicker. I hate seeing our little bunny feeling under the weather!

Mattias and I had a funny conversation as we were walking to church yesterday morning:

Mattias: "Mommy's growing a baby, but it's taking a LONG time."
Me: "Yes, babies do take awhile to grow. Do you want a brother or a sister?"
Mattias: "I want a brother. I already kind of have two sisters."
Me: "Well, Mommy doesn't have any girls, so she might want a girl. Would that be okay with you?"
Mattias: "I guess so, but I'd like a brother better." In a VERY worried voice, "I don't want the baby to pick my nose!"
Me: Burst of laughter, then, "I think the baby will be too little to pick your nose."
Mattias: "Well, it might try when it gets older."
Me: "Well, you'll just have to teach your brother or sister not to pick people's noses."

I have been really tired lately. Everything seems overwhelming... household chores, cleaning my room, doing Bible study... everything just seems so hard. And I've been worrying way too much about things I can't control, but I don't know how to stop. You can pray for me, if you like :)

We had a great turnout at Women's Connections tonight. We had chocolate and cheesecake, which was delicious - and you know how picky I am! - and a great guest speaker, Krista Penner, who had us all laughing but also hit home with some challenging and inspiring truth too. It was nice to actually get a night out... I'm usually home with the kids!

Have I mentioned how excited I am that Lost is back? I may be a geek, but I love that show! And let's face it, Sawyer is not hard to look at :)

We watched a portion of the Miss America pageant last night, and in its quest to be "modern" and culturally relevant, it has turned into something truly awful. I mean yes, it used to be cheesy, but it was classy-cheesy; now, it's just tacky-cheesy. It was like American Idol crossed with Survivor or something... hideous. I like my fictional TV like Lost or the interesting show that followed it, Eli Stone (looks like it could be a fun quirky show... and I love quirky!), but I find the news or most reality shows totally depressing. (I do enjoy my Amazing Race though.) It really scares me how much the world has deteriorated already in my lifetime, and I can't bear to imagine what it's going to be like in another thirty years. Of course, struggling with chronic depression probably doesn't help my viewpoint, haha!

I am reading a biography of Johnny Cash... fascinating! I also have a biography of June Carter Cash and a book by his first wife, Vivian, on hold at the library. I like hearing the story from different perspectives.

Okay, I think that's all my random thoughts for tonight. I think I'll have some popcorn and Coke... I'm big on my comfort food. I do have to say though, I am SO grateful to have so many wonderful friends and family in my life. Sometimes I feel guilty for struggling with depression, when I am so blessed. I know I wouldn't make it through my days without all the love I get... and I wish that kind of love into everyone's lives!

Being Sick Sucks!

2008-01-31T11:11:00.000-08:00

Poor Lysa woke up with a fever again (thankfully, she was cool enough to sleep through the night) and is not feeling well at all. You can feel the heat through your clothes and hers when you hold her. Doesn't want to eat... thank God for the feeding tube to keep her hydrated and give her medicine and nutrients with her Pediasure at times like this. Wasn't even tempted by chocolate pudding this morning! She's watching a Karen Henley DVD right now (she loves her singing) and we'll cuddle and read some Dr. Seuss. I hope our poor bunny is feeling better soon!

You know you're getting old when...

2008-01-30T11:15:00.000-08:00

I remember when I was younger, staying up until 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning to finish a good book. This is so pathetic... last night, I had ONE page left in my Natalie Wood biography... ONE PAGE!!! And I couldn't stay awake to finish it after repeated attempts... that is just so wrong. I'm only 31... what am I going to be like in 5, 10, 20 years?!

On a happier note, I love our backyard. This house is falling apart (the screen door literally fell off one day when we opened it... not off the hinges; the HINGES fell off!) but we have a BEAUTIFUL backyard filled with trees. I love trees... they remind me of the forests in NB. It's so great to fly home and see all the green when you're looking out the plane window, with the occasional small patches of "civilization." The only time I don't enjoy it, is when we had those terrible wind storms, and you hear the trees creaking... made me a little nervous... but spiced up my prayer life, haha! I love watching the squirrels and birds in our backyard playing in the snow. We have black and grey squirrels... Jolie was ecstatic when Safeway blew out the nuts after Christmas, only 99 cents a bag! We can't feed the birds, sadly, as it was attracting rats, but we can still feed our squirrels... Screeny, Steve and Tufty, among others. By the way, the book "Scaredy Squirrel Makes a Friend" (and the original "Scaredy Squirrel") by Melanie Watts, is a classic. Okay, must go try to get some food into Lysa, who's home from school with a fever, poor girl.

Winter Wonderland

2008-01-29T21:53:00.000-08:00

It was so hard to get up this morning... Jolie, Marty and I had watched "3:10 to Yuma" last night, which was an excellent movie starring Christian Bale and Russell Crowe, who is an incredible actor... and I've loved Christian Bale since he starred in the Disney musical "Newsies" MANY years ago. But as it turned out, I got to go back to bed for an hour as school was cancelled - yay!

I trudged through the snow to my friend's house, where we enjoyed a great time of Bible study, prayer and chatting. She is an amazing woman who has survived so much... we both love card-making, old movies, and of course, Jesus, and share many of the same struggles as well. I am so blessed that God brought her into my life at just the right time.

Layni was very upset about missing her skating lesson this afternoon, so we trekked over to the library to return some books and look for more Geronimo Stilton... alas, the library closed early due to the weather. But she had a great time anyway, throwing snowballs at me, climbing snow drifts, and generally being silly. We came home and played in the backyard until it got dark, and after lying in the snow and staring at the stars, Jolie called us in for supper and bath time.

I need to learn to upload? download? whatever you do with the pictures on your digital camera, so that you can all see how absolutely beautiful it is here - the bonus being it's not ridiculously cold like in NB or Alberta! It was nice today as we didn't have to go anywhere, but I hope tomorrow the roads are clear, as Jolie has to go to Children's Hospital downtown to pick up Lysa's prescription.

Well, I think I'll go have a barley toy and finish Natalie Wood's biography...